tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81688111405357497662024-02-19T18:55:15.393-08:00Fuck Tucker MaxIt's easy to expose someone when they're a lying sack of shit.Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-14271107261230325762015-08-30T15:33:00.004-07:002015-08-30T15:33:54.027-07:00My GOD<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.maxim.com/sites/default/files/styles/custom_crop/public/editor/2015/08/206_0915_tuckermax_article1.jpg?itok=4sKVQ-q5" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.maxim.com/sites/default/files/styles/custom_crop/public/editor/2015/08/206_0915_tuckermax_article1.jpg?itok=4sKVQ-q5" height="320" width="252" /></a></div>
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The Reinvention of Tucker Max</h1>
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Once the most hated man on the Internet, former “dick lit” douchelord Tucker Max has rebranded himself as a self-help guru teaching men how to fall in love. But are we ready to take him seriously?</div>
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Source: http://www.maxim.com/entertainment/article/reinvention-tucker-max-2015-8</div>
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MY GOD.</div>
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I thought we were done, but you pulled me back in.</div>
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Discuss.</div>
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Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-7325081217315715642012-01-11T09:27:00.000-08:002012-01-11T09:28:48.218-08:00I'm amazedthat I could remember my log-in for this.<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I gotta say, living in a Tucker free world is pretty damn good.</div>Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com116tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-47140939903217684272011-01-07T11:17:00.000-08:002011-01-07T11:29:42.945-08:00IMDB: 1, Tucker Max : 0The Internet Movie Database (IMDB) discussion board for Tucker's horrible failure of a movie is a terrific spot for Tucker's related humor. Not only is that board almost completely dominated by those of us who recognize that Tucker is a huge joke and a piece of garbage cloaked in human flesh, but it's also a great place to observe the last remnants of Tucker's tiny fanbase being routinely abused by people with brains. If you've not checked it out, do so:<br /><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/threads/"><br />IMDB discussion board for 'I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell'</a><br /><br />Today, I want to repost an entry that was posted to the IDMB board this morning, because it's the single most accurate and insightful discussion of the 'phenomenon' of Tucker Max that I've yet read. The author goes by the name 'favabeansandanicechianti' on IMDB, and he or she deserves a tip-of-the-hat for this piece. It's a bit longer than most of the entries on this blog, but it's well worth reading. Enjoy it!<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;"><a name="latest">His Recommended books: an insight into Tucker's world-view</a></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />By favabeansandanicechianti<br /></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:allowpng/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> 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0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">When I first discovered Tucker Max in late 2005 at the age of 21, I was drawn to what I thought was a fascinating and complex contrarian, a subversive iconoclast and maverick, an eccentric and creative person living authentically and on his own terms. A sort of modern-day Lord Byron. I didn’t think there were people like that still out there living in the world, and I was really intrigued by the persona that I wanted to believe was true of the person. Also, being a college student I was of course awed by his supposed wild antics, drinking prowess, and sexual conquests.<br /><br />As the past five years went by and my own outlook on life matured-- all the while occasionally following his site, his movie blog, and his words and actions surrounding the movie and its promotion-- I realized that I had seen a certain early clue as to what his primary motivation and world-view had either become or always had been.<br /><br />That early clue was an annotated list of books on his website which he cited as the biggest influences on his writing, thinking and how he lived his life. The list included “Sperm Wars,” “The Red Queen”, and “The 48 Laws of Power”. Actually, that third book may not have been on the list, but I know based on his message board posts that he was very into that book and the writings and philosophy of its author Robert Greene (who was also a featured blogger on the short-lived Rudius Media blogging network). These books are all great and I would encourage anyone to read them; they are truly eye-opening and will give you a lot to think about. They also provide insightful context for what most people who’ve followed him over the years now realize about how Tucker’s mind works.<br /><br />(The list is still on his site at<a href="http://www.tuckermax.com/other/the-tucker-max-reading-list/"> http://www.tuckermax.com/other/the-tucker-max-reading-list/</a>but it has changed over the years, removing "The Red Queen" and others while adding some new ones.)<br /><br />Taken together, the world-view that emerges from these three books is that life is an amoral, opportunistic, anything-goes power-struggle to gain as much status (wealth/resources/power/fame) as you can (as a male) in order to have as much reproductive access to women as you can get. The “game of life” is won by males who successfully pursue their two purposes in life: (1) acquire status and resources in order to attract women; and (2) achieve reproductive success (ideally with many different attractive women). Think Donald Trump, Hugh Hefner, Tiger Woods, etc.<br /><br />Over the years, I think that Tucker became increasingly obsessed with this idea of being an “alpha male,” with always pushing to advance his status in order to get as many women as possible. He may have started out in his late 20s caring about the craft of writing, wanting simply to be a great writer, the next John Kenney Toole(!), and wanting to live the renegade bohemian life that many young men (and women) seem to romanticize. His big message in the early years from 2005-2009 was that the drinking and partying and screwing weren’t really the reason for his appeal; rather, it was that he was someone who had done everything by the books (University of Chicago undergrad and Duke Law School), but then had decided to give it all up in order “to be true to himself,” opting instead to pursue his real passion for writing, fight the man and "live on his own terms."<br /><br />(Personally I think that this was always BS and he knew it, trying to intellectualize what was nothing more than a lucky break into publishing a few sensationalistic sex-and-beer stories that he wrote for a quick shot at fame and a quick buck. But this is just a classic example among countless cases of Tucker “re-framing” reality with his own spin. He somehow was such a screw-up that he got fired three weeks into his 2L summer job for acting up, something that is basically unheard of in the legal profession and would have seriously damaged if not altogether torpedoed his legal career. But Tucker always finds a way to “own” his failures and claim that they are really somehow “successes”. It’s quite astounding how brazenly he does it, really.)<br /><br />At any rate, by his early 30s—as happens to many men—he started to realize that his whole rebel-writer-who-tells-poopy-joke shtick has an inherently short shelf life and doesn’t mean *beep* in the real world. He probably saw all his former classmate at Duke Law—you know, the ones who actually went to class—driving Porsches (meanwhile he had a crappy tiny apartment in Chicago/NYC and then an even tinier crappy apartment with roommates in LA). He certainly would have looked around in LA while producing his movie and realized that funny stories and acting cocky-funny may get you laid with 7s and 8s one weekend at a time, but if you really want to bring home the big game (the 10s, the models and actresses), you need to grow up and start gaining some serious status and making some serious bucks (i.e. build up a Rudius Media Empire). On some level he decided (although maybe this was really the sole goal all along) that the single most important thing in his life was to live up to his “I’m an alpha male” mantra and aggressively pursue status/wealth/power/fame. That’s when all his talk started about taking over the world with his Rudius Media Empire (a major independent film studio like Lionsgate! Crossbow ranges! Private jets!). Sadly for him, after reaching the highest he fell the furthest and hardest.<br /><br />I don’t think he has yet learned the humility required to dust himself off, admit he failed abysmally, learn from it, and try again. I don’t think he ever will. I think he will take the easy way out, which is to live indefinitely in denial that he did anything wrong. He will probably follow A$$holes Finish First with one more book he promised over the last year or two (Hilarity Ensues?)-- IF he's able to get that published, and that's a big if-- and maybe a "tell-all" book about the movie (a "cautionary tale for indie filmmakers"?) -- and will do a few more speaking tours with naïve 21-year-olds before his dwindling D-list web-celebrity and the IHTSBIH book sales have flat-lined by late 2011, and then… I just don't see him ever being able to work in film again as a producer after losing 10 million on his debut-- at least, not with anyone else's money. He might be able to find some work as a TV show comedy writer in Austin or back in NYC (not possible in LA after pulling a Troy Duffy and burning every possible bridge)-- but if there's anything he's proved all these years it's that he's incapable of working FOR anyone else, and has an extremely difficult time working WITH anyone else, so I don't really see that playing out unless he evolves.<br /><br />In any case, I just don’t see him ever really being heard of again (at least, not in any productive, significant way), because that would require him to admit how much he’s screwed up and screwed people over before moving on. He would rather spend the rest of his 30s and all of his 40s sitting in bars in Austin telling impressionable Texas college girls that he is “a New York Times bestselling author Duke Law grad with a movie about his life,” buying them a couple beers and then taking them back to his *beep* little apartment for a sloppy night with "the jackhammer". Rinse, repeat. Getting a creepy reputation? Start frequenting a different bar. While a pitiably empty way to live out your life, it’s an easy-out. But of course that's speculation, who knows? I'd say everyone deserves a second chance, but there are exceptions to every aphorism, and in this case Tucker Max is probably it.</p>Barry Baterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00721182176580875571noreply@blogger.com60tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-7868775956830213582010-09-11T10:39:00.000-07:002010-09-11T10:46:41.444-07:00Assholes Finish First... finished?Assholes Finish First will be released on 28th September 2010. [<a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/1416938745/?tag=tuckermaxlies-20">Amazon</a>]<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ></span><blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" >"Tucker told people to </span><a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/archive/index.php/t-12327.html" style="text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >start pre-ordering</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" > it on the 16th November of 2006, slating it for release in fall 2007. Then that got </span><a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=17864" style="text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >pushed back</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" > from fall 2007 to fall 2008. Well look, here we are in fall 2008 and there's no sign of the book."</span></blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" ></span></span></div><div><br /></div><div>Anyways, here it is 3 years late. Hooray! </div><div><br /></div><div>I'll post a .pdf of it here once it's out.</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ></span></span></div>Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-11457188039428263362010-03-15T05:55:00.000-07:002010-03-15T05:56:12.920-07:00Hey!Remember Tucker Max?<br /><br /><br />lol.Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com55tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-89054100674275339562009-11-09T20:52:00.000-08:002009-11-09T21:01:40.720-08:00Just for posterity's sake..<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/7983/tuckermax.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 333px; height: 500px;" src="http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/7983/tuckermax.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/personal_info.phtml">Tucker Max is 6 feet tall.</a><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/9481/mugshotheightassistance.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 375px; height: 500px;" src="http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/9481/mugshotheightassistance.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>lol.<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br />From tuckermaxdoucebag:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">"Here's a Tucker Max story you haven't heard of yet, and this goes back a few years when his book was just published and started making money.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">I worked as a literary agent at the firm that signed Tucker. We basically deal with books about poker and gambling as well as male based literature. While I was not part of "Team Tucker" I was very good friends with the agent who represented him and got him his first book deal (when nobody else would touch him). </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">Tucker was pretty much a douche, but once the book started making money he became something else. He would have tantrums in the office of his agent that would permeate the rest of the floor. He would scream and shout how he was "being robbed" when we ran a legitimate operation. Facts of the matter are this, his agent GOT HIM THE DEAL. Tucker (somebody with a legal background, enough so to understand contract law) SIGNED THE DEAL.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">As with any agency, all money that one of our clients earn goes through the agency before the writer is paid. This way the writer is guaranteed his money as they are backed by the agency and their legal/accounting leverage. This is STANDARD. This is the way how things are done. We take our percentage and cut the check. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">Anyway, this did not work for Tucker Max. He accused the agency of stealing from him. The reason was because the publisher had taken a bit longer then we were told to send us the check. Tucker's agent assured him that it could be nothing further from the truth and he had nothing to worry about. These things happen more often than not, it's the nature of the business. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">Of course this was not good enough for Tucker. He threw a huge tantrum in our offices and threatened pretty much every agent on the floor, saying "If I don't have my money by XXX date, I'm coming back here and beating you all with a bat". That's not exactly what he said, but it was about as close as you can get. This was a "professional" writer whom had just gotten his first book deal, and he was now accusing the people who got the deal of theft. The firm is a legit business enterprise, but this was not good enough. Tucker said he could do things better and cut the middle man (the agent) out of the equation. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">Problem was, Tucker couldn't really get out of the contract and my firm has (and still is) receiving money from IHTSBIH. To clarify, he's not making that much per book. That's pretty standard of ANY FIRST TIME UNKNOWN AUTHOR. They make their money on the 2nd book and so on. I won't say how much he's making, but it's less than 1/2 of the .80 cents per copy that is being claimed in these forums. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">Also, he never got anything remotely approaching 300,000 for his 2nd book. You might as well have told everybody that you could throw a football over them there mountains. His book, while MODESTLY successful, had nowhere near the amount of sales to warrant even close to 100K let alone 300K.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">Hey TUcker, if you're reading this, it's Greg from your old agency. Fuck you bitch, I'm glad you failed."</span><br /></div></div><br /><br />More on this later. Do NOT email be about this, people.Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com373tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-83656450941198415962009-10-28T19:40:00.000-07:002009-10-28T19:43:36.897-07:00You must watch thisWhat follows is a first-hand look at exatcly what's been going on behind closed doors at the crumbling Rudius Media empire. As a bonus, there is more comedy in this three-minute video clip than in Tucker's entire movie. What you are about to see... may shock you.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IOkzxsqqP6o&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IOkzxsqqP6o&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />All credit goes to Ryan Holiday's intern, for being brave enough to share the truth with us.Barry Baterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00721182176580875571noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-87655912009278257182009-10-18T20:43:00.000-07:002009-12-01T22:32:39.387-08:00BREAKING NEWS- RUDIUS MEDIA MESSAGEBOARD SHUT DOWNNot to take any of the attention away from Light's post from earlier today (read below- it's a great entry), the Rudius Media Messageboard has been shut down. D.O.A. Dead in the water. Stopped cold in its tracks.<br /><br />Don't believe me? Click <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/">here.</a><br /><br />Here's Tucker's final post on the RMMB:<br /><br />"It is nearly seven years to the day since SlingBlade encouraged me to put up a forum on my site where we could talk shit to people, and in that time, this place has grown with me as I have gone from some random asshole with a website to a famous asshole with a #1 best selling book and movie.<br /><br />This message board has been many other things to me over the years: Hilarious, enlightening, encouraging, distracting, frustrating, and above all, entertaining. I am glad it ran for as long as it did, and the community that grew up around it provided much value to many people beyond myself, and for that, I am very thankful.<br /><br />But all things must eventually end, and for this board, that time is now. As helpful as this place was in it's time, I no longer have the time or desire to put in the effort necessary to maintain it.<br /><br />That being said, various people who post regularly here have decided to spin their own niche communities off and keep going. I've encouraged them to do this, I think they are all capable of running an online community and I wish them the best of luck. If the subjects of these boards interest you, I encourage you to join and participate, as these will all be intelligent and well-run boards...<br /><br />Though the message board that I started is shutting down, this does not mean I am retiring or stopping writing or anything like that. Quite the opposite. I am hard at work not only on my next book, Assholes Finish First, but another book that I will announce soon, and I have many other projects that will come to fruition over the next few years."<br /><br />Good riddance, Tucker. I guess the revolution will not only NOT be televised, it won't even be on the internet.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://twitter.com/tuckermax"></a>Barry Baterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00721182176580875571noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-6578838882370233522009-10-18T06:19:00.000-07:002009-10-18T07:10:24.672-07:00Hey brahHow does it feel to be on the winning team, brah?<br /><br />Grab yourself a drink, Barry Bater made punch and I do believe TDG has provided some pie for us all. Pull up a chair, put your feet up - we've got nothing to do but toast.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4PnV56LcXO62iqI7RNdumlWiBdkR8D5gXAiDsWzVySGwpc7vYoP8b_ykH9LyK_9r4JBtS76bhsW9SzWLSq5QeEt-JEWtjnpVhIdJHNzQn5elUm9wvazFJTlfowsVs7sHBh1swYcJ3Ubci/s320/success_baby1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 211px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4PnV56LcXO62iqI7RNdumlWiBdkR8D5gXAiDsWzVySGwpc7vYoP8b_ykH9LyK_9r4JBtS76bhsW9SzWLSq5QeEt-JEWtjnpVhIdJHNzQn5elUm9wvazFJTlfowsVs7sHBh1swYcJ3Ubci/s320/success_baby1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:78%;">(Success Baby says... "Success!")</span><br /></span></div><br />Watching IHTSBIH revenue slow and slow. Currently sitting on <a href="http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?page=weekend&id=ihopetheyservebeerinhell.htm">$1.3 million</a> and, oh my, does it feel good to be right!<br /><br />It's been entertaining as fuck watching Tucker Max bring financial and professional ruin on himself and others. That boastful claim about topping whatever "The Hangover" could do, the outright lies about distribution up until the very last second when he revealed it was Freestyle, the rumours about how everyone on set hated him, the grandiosity of his paradigm-shifting plans for Hollywood and so on. If I could turn the clock back and live it all over again, from scratch, then I would do it in a heartbeat.<br /><br />I loved the way people outright said to Tucker on his own message boards that it would not be a success, and he slammed them, deleted them, banned them. Has there ever been a more enjoyable story of a douchebag getting his come-uppance?<br /><br />Now folks, I know things aren't over yet - we still have the DVD release to look forward to, and of course, the smash hit that will be Assholes Finish First (yeah it was pushed back a year brah, cos the world wasn't ready!) But surely you can't be mad at me for wanting to toast this moment?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">FUN FACT: If you made any money at all this year, or at least lost less than 10 million dollars - then you are more successful than Tucker Max.</span><br /><br />There has been too much to enjoy on Rudius Boards now: the blame game, the sycophantic mods finally starting to see the light, long-term fans getting FUCKYOUBANNED at the drop of a hat. Its like watching a seed grow into a beautiful flower. Truly, it is the perfect compliment to the piss-poor box office receipts.<br /><br />I don't really have that much else to say, what a fun ride it has been to this point. I just felt that this blogspot needed a little something written about how things have gone, and I thought it was about time we slapped each other on the back and said "Fuck Tucker Max. His time is up!".<br /><br />Apologies that this little hate website never quite got the constant flow of content it deserved. Now that things are over I feel I could've done so much more for you haters. Truly it was tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com that shone bright. And, in the end, it was you guys who became the stars of the show!<br /><br />Stand up:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Barry Bater</span> (he helped liven up the tuckermaxlies office, and I like to think we shared a moment at the Christmas party...)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Deconstruction Guy</span> (aka TDG) (the Michael Jordan of this shit)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Think About Tucker Guy</span> (aka TATguy) (I will never stop TAT, I love you)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">NoNicknameGuy</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Japanese Spammer</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Ryan Holiday's Intern</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Viacom Guy</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Biscuits</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Cockly McBeefwell<br />Cloud Starchaser<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Fiat dollars guy</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Anti-Semitic guy</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Guy who fucked The Trixie up the ass</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Former mod</span> (yay, for you saw the light!)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Current mods</span> (it's not too late to jump ship!)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">mccoymountain</span> and <span style="font-weight: bold;">pmcdonnell</span> (IMDB is a better place with you in it)<br />and <span style="font-weight: bold;">people I forgot</span> because I'm lame, and all those of you who fake-nicknamed up...<br /><br />or remained... <span style="font-weight: bold;">Anonymous</span><br /><br /><br />Raise your glasses! To Tucker Max and his lies!<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span>Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-56159184518537403962009-09-13T17:33:00.000-07:002009-09-13T19:50:51.043-07:00To read.... the untrollable blog...Anyone who's following the disaster zone that is Tucker Max's life and 'career' knows exactly what I'm talking about when I write things like 'douchebag', 'doucebag', 'TATGuy', 'Viacom guy', and so forth; they're cherished and beloved characters, like the sort you remember from the fairy tales you loved as a child.<br /><br />Oh, wait- did I say 'cherished and beloved'? I meant 'hated and despised'. You see, for all of the benefits of using the abandoned site <a href="http://tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com/">http://tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com/</a>, there is one glaring flaw: it's un-moderated- Cockly doesn't remember the log-on credentials, so there's effectively no way for him (or anyone else) to do away with pesky troll comments.<br /><br />That's where this entry comes in. I'm hoping we can use it as a catch-all discussion forum for all things Tucker, like we've been doing with Cockly's site for the last two years. I can assure you that the more... 'illustrious' trollers won't be able to pull their garbage here.<br /><br />Please, pass the word. The discussion at the Doucebag-blog is often interesting, funny, etc., it just needs to be troll-free. With this site and your help, it can happen.<br /><br />EDIT: Please understand, this is not a matter of anyone having 'Fuck You, Banned' powers over the people who post here. It is, rather, a way for us to keep discussions on-point without having the comments devolve into posts about Russian mail-order brides, the evils of Viacom, and random ramblings about the Federal Reserve. No more of that racist nonsense, either.Barry Baterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00721182176580875571noreply@blogger.com448tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-88527825438907445222009-07-21T19:37:00.000-07:002009-07-21T19:41:13.333-07:00Great quotes of our time"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009<br /><br /><a href="http://www.moviefill.com/The-Hangover-is-the-Biggest-R-Rated-Comedy-of-All-Time-17663/">The Hangover is officially the biggest grossing R-rated comedy of all time.</a><br /><blockquote style="font-style: italic;"><br />It was pretty clear even before it hit theatres that The Hangover was going to do well, but I don't think anyone expected it to make quite this much money without any major stars in it.</blockquote><br /><br />So I guess Tucker's movie is going to make like twice as much?Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-22155547641621625712009-07-02T21:10:00.001-07:002009-07-03T13:51:31.528-07:00The Art of DeconstructionThere's kind of a lot to talk about in Tuckerland these days- and as usual for all things Tucker, most of it concerns the deafening silence surrounding Tucker's TEICM (Totally Epic, Industry-Changing Movie. Obviously.).<br /><br />I was originally going to write something about the recently-posted email exchanges between Tucker and Mr.X- <a href="http://tinyurl.com/lk56aw">http://tinyurl.com/lk56aw</a>, scroll down to 6/17/2009, 9:42, AM to see the exchanges- but that matter is rather self-explanatory, and of course we'll have to wait until Tucker's highly artistic, beautiful, moving film releases to see how that bears out.<br /><br />Instead, I'd just like to briefly draw attention to something I like to call the art of deconstruction. If you're reading this, you're likely already aware of the bright new star in the 'Tucker Hater' pantheon, Deconstruction Guy, or as I think we should all refer to him going forward, 'The Deconstructor' (come on, try telling me that's not a cool nickname). Basically, this guy began by breaking down some of Tucker's movie-blog posts with biting, compelling commentary, but now he's moved on to deconstruct Tucker's really awesome and hilarious artistic stories in the same manner. I'll not repost the stories here, since most of this blog's readers are already aware of them, but if you <span style="font-style: italic;">haven't</span> read The Deconstructor's work yet, please do yourself a favor- go here: <a href="http://tinyurl.com/lg92mo">http://tinyurl.com/lg92mo</a>, scroll to the entry at 6/29/2009, 2:08 PM, and enjoy yourself. Keep reading the subsequent entries, as there are quite a few entries from The Deconstructor. It's truly one of the most focused and lucid analyses of the Max mythos you'll find anywhere, and it draws attention to many of the issues in Tucker's alleged 'writing' that betray his foolishness. Especially illuminating is The Deconstructor's treatment of Tucker's hockey-game story.<br /><br />In all candor, I'm surprised that Tuck hasn't found <span style="font-style: italic;">some</span> way to indirectly respond, as The Deconstructor has completely pieced him at every turn. Light, I think you should think about offering a writing spot to The Deconstructor on this blog; it would be like trading for Kevin Garnett- we'd be the Big Three of the Tucker-hater movement.<br /><br />The art of deconstruction is the art of looking past Tucker's bravado, his 'smarter-than-you' attitude, and his 'I've already proven myself; what, didn't you know?' disposition to actually think rationally about what he says and what he does. The Deconstructor's work is an excellent example of this. Another is what I alluded to in my last post, 'A Check Your Ass Can't Cash', in which I considered the disparity between what Tucker says/promises/alludes to, and what actually comes to pass. He has a miserable track record (remember when he said he was going to do a big breakdown of the storyboard, with Frame Forge, etc.? Remember the 'tons of new video, pictures, and interviews' he promised? And he STILL hasn't given the world its promised distribution deal breakdown- what a joke, considering everyone interested sort of knows it anyhow, thanks to this blog and the doucebag-blog), and there seems to be a strange parallel between what Tucker thinks and wants others to think (amazingly revolutionary, everything just keeps on getting better and better) and what actually appears to be transpiring (a pretty standard playout for a low-budget movie with marginal talent, based on a niche property).<br /><br />The point is that the more one follows this guy, the more one begins to recognize not only the need to look past his smoke-and-mirrors approach to public discourse (a necessary one, given his record of performance), but the ease with which it can be done. That's the art of deconstruction, and Tuckster's like a clean palette for it.<br /><br />The Deconstructor is the bright new star in the Tucker-Hater universe. Let's raise our glasses to him and hope that he continues to work his magic in our midst, as Tucker's incredibly provocative, heartfelt and meaningful epic art film moves closer to its release.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Vive le doucebag blog! Vive le Fuck Tucker Max blog! Vive Le Deconstructor!</span>Barry Baterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00721182176580875571noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-70688653810281253922009-06-12T08:02:00.000-07:002009-06-12T08:49:51.154-07:00Douchestribution!http://www.freestylereleasing.com/library.htm#i<br /><br />Ok, so all of us that yelled "straight to DVD" were wrong, and everyone in the Tucker camp that yelled "2000 screens opening weekend No. 1 in the Box Office" is <span style="font-style: italic;">gona</span> be wrong.<br /><br />Freestyle Releasing are a small-ish distribution company and Tucker's movie is going to be opening on less that 400 screens its opening weekend. They have no money for promotion, and nobody cares.<br /><br />It's sad that we have to wait until September 25th to see how badly this fails. I keep losing interest in the Tucker Max saga, because if you're like me you've come to realise that everything that gets written on Rudius and his site is an outright absolute lie. So you have a constant cavalcade of lies that eventually get proven to be what they are, and meanwhile people on the RMMB continue to act like blind sycophants gobbling it up.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tucker said he would be getting distribution from Fox.</span> He didn't.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tucker said he would have a $25+ million opening weekend.</span> Look at Freestyle's <a href="http://www.freestylereleasing.com/library.htm">other movies</a>, can you guess how many of them had that big an opening weekend?<br /><br />An American Haunting - 5.7 million<br />The Haunting of Molly Hartley - 5.4 million<br />The Illusionist - 6.1 million<br /><br />I didn't go through all of them, those were the only ones I recognised. And according to <a href="http://74.125.153.132/search?q=cache:VXoN4ity544J:articles.latimes.com/2008/nov/03/business/fi-boxoffice3+%22freestyle+releasing%22+biggest+opening+weekend&cd=4&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=au&client=firefox-a">here</a> there biggest opening weekend is $6 million-ish.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tucker promises a 35day cross country IHTSBIH movie-premiere-schwag-athon.</span> I think we know anything that requires this level of organisation from Tucker is already, at this early stage, completely fucked.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tucker said he was offered 8 figures for distribution. </span>He didn't. Nope. Non. No wai. Never happened.<br /><br /><br />So what else is new in Tucker land?<br /><br /><ul><li><a href="http://www.thebunnyblog.com/">Bunny</a> is in rehab. I'd like to think we played a small part in that with our online vitriol. Punch and pie for all.</li></ul><br /><ul><li><a href="http://gawker.com/5250986/womyn-vs-tucker-max-in-battle-of-annoyances">Very stupid people</a> are protesting Tucker Max when he goes to colleges. This will just stir up controversy and interest in the movie. The best thing to do is ignore it, or make hater posts on the internet. Rawr.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Assholes Finish First was released to international literary acclaim. Oh wait.. what? <a href="http://assholesfinishfirst.tuckermax.com/">No it wasn't?</a></li><li>Who could have <a href="http://tuckermaxlies.blogspot.com/2008/09/is-tucker-max-suffering-from-writers.html">predicted</a> that? :D</li></ul><br /><ul><li>My <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sFw5YIXSrU">video of IHTSBIH</a> being burnt to a delicious cinder crisp? 11,500 views. Trolling Tucker fans has never been so much fun. I can't believe this video has more views than the one of me dressed up like Diana Ross. SO much work went into that costume..</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Some new Tucker hate sites have popped up. Add them to your favourites!</li><li>http://www.fuckermax.blogspot.com/</li><li>http://tuckermaxisadouche.blogspot.com/</li><li>Cockly McBeefwell is back! OR something! Either way, tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com is no longer on the internets and all the stuff was transferred over to this new place. The dream never dies! You can still view all 6000+ comments over <a href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?postID=117436504077523328&blogID=21127102&isPopup=false&page=31">here</a> but it seems new comments should be for the new site, lest we split the Tucker haters. Divided we are weak, but united - we are not as weak. Sorta.</li></ul>-------<br />-------<br /><br />FINALLY, here's a quick guid on how to discredit Tucker should he ever come up in a social situation. If you're like me, you probably want to keep the fact that you run/participate in an anti-Tucker website quiet when doing so. But how to do it without giving away that you know way too much about Tucker?<br /><br />Step 1: Take a lofty approach over the person who enthusiastically brought up Tucker. "Yeah, his stories are alright - but they're massively embellished. You'd be foolish to believe everything he writes."<br /><br />Step 2: Use facts and lies to help you. "Isn't Tucker Max like, about 40 years old? And he just goes around to colleges talking about when he used to be in college? Isn't that kind of sad?"<br /><br />Step 3: Condition people to dislike his movie even before it comes out. "Yeah a movie based on his book or something? I read on IMDB that no-one even wants to distribute it for him - apparently he really is an asshole in real life, the movie is supposed to suck the big one"<br /><br />Step 4: The outright character destroying lie: "Oh yeah I was at a Borders one time when he was doing a book signing. There was nobody there. I went over to say hi and he told me to fuck off. He has really small hands as well. Nobody likes him. If you like him you're probably a loser."<br /><br />-------<br />-------<br /><br />_______<br />______<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3 WEEKS TIL THE FIRST IHTSBIH TRAILER!!</span><br />______<br />_______<br /><br />That's all for now. Until next time, I encourage you all to keep thinking about Tucker. Especially you TATguy!Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-87514598140026014962009-02-24T12:44:00.000-08:002009-02-24T13:01:20.410-08:00A check your ass can't cashI think one of the things that makes those of us in the ‘anti-Tucker’ camp laugh so much is Tucker’s (and by logical extension, his ilk of ill-willed whelks – ha, ha… that was highly lame) utter obliviousness to his own antics.<br />It’s true; Tucker does make us laugh, but not for the reasons he makes psorry pseudofrats and would-be womanizers laugh. Tucker makes me laugh because he continually promises things he doesn’t deliver on.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqZ5fi7HNBt3kQ0Ag4tyP3EVy8xbJO8xrmDHuCHUWhqngxGpMtN-QpvOkP28pVCXsOIwLe2bYdJqOTdaNhyphenhyphenPFc4abcv6nffANvyLaBnKVlfZzCuk0vmXoFI27UjY5ryZsQONlBFh7ujQI/s1600-h/setsail.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 274px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqZ5fi7HNBt3kQ0Ag4tyP3EVy8xbJO8xrmDHuCHUWhqngxGpMtN-QpvOkP28pVCXsOIwLe2bYdJqOTdaNhyphenhyphenPFc4abcv6nffANvyLaBnKVlfZzCuk0vmXoFI27UjY5ryZsQONlBFh7ujQI/s320/setsail.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306471756262212530" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />All aboard the USS Tucker</span><br /></div><br />I wrote the following post anonymously on the Doucebag blog a while back; It sums up what I’m talking about:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Tuck wrote this today: "So I promised more posts now that editing is over, and what do I do? Not post for like two weeks. Good job Tucker, fucking dick.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Here's the thing: I don't know what to write about because there's nothing to do right now. I mean, don't get me wrong, there is a lot being done, but none of it is being done by me, and nothing really requires my feedback or input."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">He wrote these things awhile back: "Lots more pics and videos coming..."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"...That being said, we have a TON of video that we haven't cataloged yet, and Greg is working furiously on that now. So there will be new stuff from the shooting coming...."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"For the next few months, I will probably only post 2-3 times per week. I am going to go back and address a lot of things I missed, answer all the questions from this thread, and clean stuff up like that..."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Those are pull quotes from various blog entries, but the latest one is from October. Hey, doucebag, if you have nothing to do (since you're useless to those people actually WORKING on the movie, and you pushed your book back ANOTHER year), how about getting to all the revolutionary behind-the-scenes stuff you promised four months ago? Or are you too busy not having a girlfriend anymore?<br /><br /></span>Tucker really believes his own hype, even though all available evidence points to the contrary. He prattles on about how ‘revolutionary’ his movie blog is, even though it’s just a few basic explanations of some of the things that go into getting a movie made – but it’s nothing a guy can’t figure out on his own, or read about on 6,000 other websites, were he so inclined.<br />But in order to really make a revolutionary, behind-the-scenes type of presentation, he’d need to do more than just post random interviews with Steadicam operators, sandwiched in between fifty-seven posts that are some variation on the theme of how ‘the die has been cast/ it’s all on the table/ our fates have been sealed.’ Maybe he’s planning on heaving a ton of new behind-the-scenes material our way after the movie releases, but how is that revolutionary? That’s done all the time. Meanwhile, readers are left scratching their heads because they don’t know anything more about the WHOLE, COHESIVE, SYSTEMATIC moviemaking process than they did when they started. He simply hasn’t delivered.<br />Lack of delivery is the only consistent thing about him. Bunny’s book? His second book? A movie by the end of 2008? All these TV shows and book deals he supposedly helmed? Rudius Media is still just a clever name for a bunch of linked websites… if he’d only promised to spin his wheels and be a mediocre has-been novelty act who only encountered a modicum of fame because the ubiquity of the internet was still in its relative infancy, at least we could give him credit for making good on his promises.<br />All the while, NOBODY buzzes about how revolutionary Tucker’s project is except him. I know, I know: nobody’s going to see it until a few years down the road. Does he really expect anyone to believe that? Does he really believe it himself?<br />Eh, who knows… maybe he’ll prove us all wrong. All I know is that the economy’s in the tank, everyone’s struggling just to survive, and here’s this guy, acting like what he’s doing is actually important to the world. He really plans to achieve something great. We all know how often what he plans actually comes to pass.Barry Baterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00721182176580875571noreply@blogger.com108tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-66087490793125000302009-02-05T09:36:00.001-08:002009-02-05T10:10:06.875-08:00Always open with a jokeWhy did Tucker Max cross the road?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I don't know. But Tucker Max is a massive faggot so fuck him.<br /><br /><br />Mildly interesting post on this <a href="http://unemployedasshole.blogspot.com/2009/02/earlier-tonight-i-had-self-admitted.html">blog</a>.. just the usual dismantling of the Tucker Max e-persona.<br /><br />You can now <a href="http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/4443893/Tucker_Max_-_I_Hope_They_Serve_Beer_In_Hell_%5BPDF%5D">download</a> IHTSBIH original edition at torrent sites, sadly you will have to pay big bucks for oncoming extended edition - but needless to say the new stories will be 100% awesome and true.<br /><br />Man, I just love reading the comments on the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sFw5YIXSrU">Youtube video</a> of the book burning:<br /><br /><p><em>"congratulations on wasting 15 dollars d bag."</em></p><p>Yeah I'm pretty sure that buying the book itself was a waste of 15 dollars.</p><p><em>"Fucking losers are just sad that you live a boring life. The fact that you did that, video taped it, uploaded it onto youtube shows how sad your life really is.</em>"</p><p><em>"...but yo prolly just dont have a sense of humor so you should just shut the fuck up and u really do need to get a life if all do is sit around all day and burn books just because u dont like them"</em></p><p>Yeah. I've got nothing better to do than run down Tucker Max. You can clearly see I'm pouring my life into it. That's why this website is updated thrice daily as me and Barry toil at the printing presses making pamphlets to spread the truth. Please don't forget to subscribe to our RSS and instant text messaging alerts so you can get breaking Tucker Max news as it happens.</p><p><em>"have fun living with yourself knowing that you might be the biggest tool box on youtube. Enjoy the pathetic excuse you have of a life you sad little hypocrite. "</em></p><p>I'm definitely the biggest toolbox on Youtube, but I used to be second to a video of some guy choking out a colleague on the set of a film whilst a small-handed, lispy fuckstick videotaped it. Lucky for me that video got taken down, so now the title is mine!!</p><p>Judging from the grammar and idiocy displayed, a lot of Tucker's fans are young teenagers and probably won't be able to get in to see IHTSBIH if it gets R-rated. Kind of makes their relentless fanboy'ing all the more hilarious.</p><p> </p><p>This comment was left on one of my most recent posts, in regards to how many people attend Tucker Max book signings:</p><p><em>Hello, I know this is a bit late, but I noticed you asked questions about his book signing. http://to-be-revised.blogspot.com/2009/01/gg-draft-2.html This is just the rough draft of an account of his book signing in Chicago.I hoped it came off as, for the most part, impartial. I'm kind of a sickeningly positive person though... so if you want just the gist of it. The turn out was huge. I would say it was close to four hundred who came in all, if not more. I'm really not exaggerating. Even after he left some people still came in and that was around 9.45 pm.Hope that helps.</em></p><p>Sadly that link is down at the moment. If the report is true that's a pretty impressive turnout. Tucker Max as a piece of pop culture seems to slowly be coming more into the mainstream.</p><p>I was sitting in a bar with a few friends not too long ago, when one guy (a journalism major, really cool guy) turns to me and asks if I've heard of Tucker Max. I tell him I know about him and I've read the book. He tells me about the movie coming soon and about the new book which will be even funnier than the first. I tell him I think a lot of Tucker's stories are bullshit, and he replies so quickly "Yeah! Of course!! They're hugely embellished. He's full of shit"</p><p>"Then why do you read them?" I asked.</p><p>"Because they're entertaining."</p><p> </p><p>I couldn't help roll my eyes. Even Tucker's fans know his stories are bullshit. But it seems that one small <em>fact</em> isn't stopping him from becoming popular.</p><p>Why do I even bother?</p>Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-41058407670664002502009-01-08T22:56:00.000-08:002009-01-09T00:27:00.279-08:00The Importance of Being Important<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CMADSAM%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CMADSAM%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CMADSAM%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> 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margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-bidi-language:AR-SA;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-bidi-language:AR-SA;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:10;" >Before I get to my maiden entry on this, the sole surviving 'Tucker-hatred-blog', I think it might be worthwhile to tell everyone a little about myself. That way, I can perhaps quell the persistent notion among Tuckster's 'e-army' that all 'haterz (yo)' are basement-dwelling losers. Also, other 'haterz (wurd)' can take solace in the fact that at least some of us are normal human beings. <b>Skip the following paragraph if you're not interested.</b>
<br />
<br />I'm a few years younger than Tucker, but unlike him, I actually served in the armed forces after I graduated from high school. During my time in service (half of which I spent overseas), I was able to build up a nice stash of money, which I turned into more money, thanks to the wise counsel of men much smarter than me. I am now financially independent, and am just finishing grad school. I have a beautiful, loving wife and a son whom I adore. I am knee-deep in several projects that I think are going to be very successful in the next few years. In short, I have a full, fulfilling life. I don't live in my parents' basement, and I don't obsess over all things Tucker. My interest in this ongoing e-saga has less to do with any personal derision for someone I've never met, and more to do with what his popularity and acceptance say about the state of modern society. Hopefully, this concern is what fuels most of the 'haters' (g funk)' dislike for old man Max.</span></i>
<br />
<br />Wildean references aside, I have occasionally wondered what it is about Tuckster that riles me so. True, his insistence on glorifying a shallow, vapid lifestyle (and his encouragement for others to do the same) is offensive and disturbing. What would have made him a social pariah fifty short years ago is what makes him allegedly successful in this, the era where the so-called X-generation has assumed its place as the driving force in the cultural milieu.
<br />
<br />However, what makes Tucker unique, even in a generation that glorifies selfishness, excess, and the vandalism of traditional ideals, is his persistent certainty that what he is doing is important. Now, this entry isn't concerned with analysis of <i>why</i> Tuck has such a desperate need to believe that he's important, but it should be fairly obvious to anyone who's followed the silly pseudo-saga of his life and career that he has deep self-image issues, back of his conscious self-awareness. It stands to reason, then, that no matter what he does, he must do it in such a way as to be able to rationalize it as objectively significant in the world.
<br />
<br />If we had Tuckmeister here to question (Tucker, you're welcome anytime, but be aware - you're not among friends, brah), the first thing I would ask him to do is explain <i>why</i>, in an objective way, his body of 'work' is possibly important. He would undoubtedly mutter something about how popular response validates his 'art' (of course, all that line of reasoning does is justify things like NKOTB or, Heaven forbid, Creed). When that level of discourse fell apart, he'd retort that he's giving a voice to a heretofore-ignored sector of people (as though nobody ever drank or screwed before this generation); he'd wrap up his apologetic with some tripe about how objective standards of greatness in art are dead anyway, and how if we can't see what makes his writing great, we're naive, or blinded by hatred/fear, or some such garbage.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://a675.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/51/l_27b457162704e591cc57590853058dfa.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 330px; height: 247px;" src="http://a675.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/51/l_27b457162704e591cc57590853058dfa.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >Looking for the perfect late Kwanzaa gift for that 'lovable narcissist' in your life?</span>
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He thinks money equals importance. He thinks controversy validates his actions. God help him, he even thinks that temporal, unstable measuring standards like book sales and site hits confirm what he thinks he knows about his place in the world.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I don't mean to assert that the things Tucker does - chasing girls, drinking to excess, having lots of wild and zany adventures - are not fun and exciting things. I did those things when I was younger, too, and though I don't chase girls anymore, as my wife would probably feel uncomfortable with such an activity, I still enjoy the occasional bender and the sordid adventures that it entails. It's just that I don't regard those things, or my enthusiasm for reliving them through animated storytelling, as 'great things'. They're kid-things. They're still fun to do, but how sad would it be if those things were the very foundation for my 'life's work?' Would that not make me a truly pitiful human being in the big picture? 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font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-bidi-language:AR-SA;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-bidi-language:AR-SA;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;"><span style=""><span style="font-style: italic;">I apologize for the lack of humor (and the lack of brevity) in this entry. I just figured that it might be worthwhile to throw something thoughtful up here, both to give voice to the serious concerns that cause us to mock Tucker and wish for his downfall, and to add a little substance to this, the only remaining outpost of organized Tucker-hatred still standing on this glorious web of ours.</span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <u7:worddocument> <u7:view>Normal<u7:zoom>0<u7:trackmoves/> <u7:trackformatting/> <u7:punctuationkerning/> <u7:validateagainstschemas/> <u7:saveifxmlinvalid>false<u7:ignoremixedcontent>false<u7:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false<u7:donotpromoteqf/> <u7:lidthemeother>EN-US<u7:lidthemeasian>X-NONE<u7:lidthemecomplexscript>HE<u7:compatibility> <u7:breakwrappedtables/> <u7:snaptogridincell/> <u7:wraptextwithpunct/> <u7:useasianbreakrules/> <u7:dontgrowautofit/> <u7:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <u7:dontvertaligncellwithsp/> <u7:dontbreakconstrainedforcedtables/> 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mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-bidi-language:AR-SA;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style> Barry Baterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00721182176580875571noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-57229990953924994142009-01-06T13:41:00.001-08:002009-01-06T14:37:14.067-08:00Happy New Year**especially you Tucker.<br /><br />Latest Gawker report on Tucker:<br />http://gawker.com/5124568/your-tucker-max-movie-update<br /><br />And read through the old Gawker stuff here:<br />http://gawker.com/tag/Tucker-Max/<br /><br />It's fucking beautiful how some people tear him apart in the comments.<br /><br /><br />Sorry I haven't been posting as much, but much like Tucker's fans, <a href="http://www.alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details/tuckermax.com">I've started to care less and less about him. </a><br /><br />Tucker is doing a book signing tour in January: http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=24902<br /><br />I don't know if any readers here live close to any of these locations (I don't) but I'd love it if one of you went and could tell us how many people really show up to these things. Because I can imagine when Tucker posts he'll be telling us that the crowd to see him at Books A Million in Maryland was 80 deep and some old woman buying the latest Oprah Book Club recommendation got crushed to death.<br /><br />Going through the most recent blog posts on the movie site has been a bit of fun, especially posts like <a href="http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/i_think_we_have.html">this</a> and the bizarre lies in it:<br /><blockquote>-Suki (the DP) took the movie to the colorist last week; he is the guy who makes sure all the colors are balanced correctly and look right in the final product. This guy has seen probably 10,000 movies in his life. He watches movies all day. It's literally his job. Well, he couldn't do his job on our movie. Why? He was laughing too hard. He was literally in such fits of laughter, he couldn't concentrate or focus, so he gave up trying to pay attention to his job and just watched it all the way through, as a fan.</blockquote>Really?! WELL FUCK ME WITH A AIDS-INFECTED WRENCH! Get this guys and girls, this movie is SO funny, so potent in <span style="font-weight: bold;">hilarity</span> that people who work on it are laughing too hard they are UNABLE to do their jobs right.<br /><br />It's quite charming that he thinks that causing <a href="http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/a_christmas_gif.html">just over a grands worth of damage</a> to a house he was renting is badass. Also, in the related thread this <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?p=760534&postcount=32">post</a> made me smile, you know Rudius aren't paying these guys shit, nor will they ever see a dime if IHTSBIH is profitable.<br /><a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?p=760540&postcount=33"></a><blockquote><a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?p=760540&postcount=33">"Oh I completely agree, not to kiss ass but I can't think of many better companies to work for than Rudius. But then again, I've only worked shitty manual labor jobs, so anything seems preferable to that."</a></blockquote>lol.<br /><br /><br />I imagine everyone got a chance to read <a href="http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/music_spotting.html">this</a> as well where Tucker brags about how he and Nils wrote a rap song for Paul Wall to sing. The previous sentence is perhaps the most ominous thing ever written in the English language. You have to read the <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=24651">thread</a> that goes with it too, some guy calls Tucker out on his bullshit, does alright for a bit and then fucks it up by trying to pass off someone else's post as his own. Someone calls him out for plagiarism and he gets banned... but cmon, the guy is a rap producer! It's called sampling!<br /><br />Btw it's been 3 years since Paul Wall had a hit. Almost the same length of time since Tucker wrote some new material. Is being a douchebag infectious now?<br /><br /><br />I was sorry to see the passing of <a href="http://tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com/">tuckermaxdoucebag</a> into the annals of history (hehe. annals.) but I'll happily tip my hat to Cockly McBeefwell and anyone who contributed to the 5000 comments that broke blogspot. So keep visiting this site and talking about Tucker in the comments section, I'll continue to post here with the latest news when I can.<br /><br />There are now positions open for 2 people who would like to write for this site, just create a Blogger.com account, post in comments and I'll add you to the Authors section and you will be able to make posts.<br /><br />I'll even put you on a Rudius Media starting salary.Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-45323220064368968582008-11-07T06:13:00.000-08:002008-11-07T06:22:42.409-08:00Recommended reading for this week...http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=24131<br /><br />That's all for now.Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-48319362130966870292008-10-23T01:36:00.001-07:002008-10-23T02:08:04.993-07:00Man down!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/9462/2958164717234b2b1fd1iu6.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 500px;" src="http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/9462/2958164717234b2b1fd1iu6.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Even though Tucker Max sucks, I think it's only the gentlemanly thing to do to wish him a speedy recovery. Technically, if we're dissing him whilst he's laid up like this... we're abusing a cripple. And that ain't cool guys!<br /><br />I don't know if you've noticed that Blogspot has changed the comment layout system, so over at tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com it's kind of difficult to access the most recent comments.<br /><br />This <a href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?postID=117436504077523328&blogID=21127102&isPopup=false&page=22">link</a> might work for some of you.<br /><br />It's all been quiet on the IHTSBIH front, there's been speculation from both sides about the probable success of the film, and all kinds of numbers thrown about<br /><br /><blockquote style="font-style: italic;">"umm leik.. what if everyone who bought the book brought 3 friends and a mime artist to see the film, that's like 1.5 million people going to see the film OPENING WEEKEND. And if each ticket costs 15 rupees then that means Tucker will wildly overshoot everyone's expectations! So fuck you! You're just jealous of Tucker!!"</blockquote>It's still so far away that nobody could possibly call whether it'll be a success or not. That's not to say the film will be good, all it has to do is catch a cultural zeitgeist of Spring Break (highly likely to be released during SB) mixed with the gap in the market for raunchy, comedies.<br /><br />I'm not saying it'll gross $20 million opening weekend, but all of us could be sitting here in 6 months time feeling absolutely disgusted as IHTSBIH makes $6 million opening weekend and experiences a slow drop off.<br /><br />And then Hollywood embraces Tucker as a revolutionary creative genius. IHTSBIH is praised as a work of staggering genius, Assholes Finish First is released the same day as Chinese Democracy and Duke Nukem Forever to worldwide critical acclaim and midnight bookstore openings where people dress up as Tucker.<br /><br />And then, Time magazine:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/4053/timegk4.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 143px; height: 155px;" src="http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/4053/timegk4.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Fuck man, I'm getting goosebumps.. and you know the scary part?<br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">In some parallel universe... </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">this has already happened</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">.</span><br /></div>Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-26484056395634554412008-09-21T21:53:00.000-07:002008-09-21T22:47:23.307-07:00The rumor millIt's been very quiet on the IHTSBIH forum lately hasn't it? But thankfully Tucker promised that he'd be back "with a vengeance" on <a href="http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/the_shooting_wr.html">September 15th</a> ... but um, this is like a week later and he's nowhere to be found.<br /><br />There hasn't even been that much Tucker Max news.. a fan of his <a href="http://gawker.com/5050798/tucker-max-associates-in-the-news">raped a girl</a> apparently, and douchebag-in-training Ryan Holiday <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Requests_for_checkuser/Case/TheRegicider">got caught</a> red-handed editing Tucker's Wikipedia page to make Tucker look good. Gay love will make a man do strange things, huh Ryan?<br /><br />Anyways, I've got a few things from the rumor mill that I'll post here, we'll see if they turn out to be true or not:<br /><br />- Tucker mentioned that he had a big-name music producer on board a few months back. Apparently it's <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Banner">David Banner</a> (he's trying to get into scoring the music for films now). The thing is though, he's not even "on board" - he's checked out about 2 tracks and has made no commitment to the film.<br /><br />- If you've been following the production blogs of IHTSBIH you'll know that Tucker has a written a cameo for himself in the movie. Apparently he's playing a cop in the scene where the groom-to-be is in a jail cell.<br /><br />-Tucker Max couldn't get a seat in the editing room for the film. Bob Gosse and Darko want him to stay far the fuck away from the editing process. I guess this is another thing that Ryan Holiday and Tucker Max have in common: they both think they should be allowed edit shit that they shouldn't.<br /><br />-As yet IHTSBIH has been unable to find a distributor. Distribution companies don't want to touch the film, and apparently one or two Darko execs are pushing for it to emulate Michael Moore's recent net-only release, and a straight-to-DVD release at the same time.<br /><br />Lets not forget that Darko mis-managed Southland Tales so badly that it only grossed $275,380 with a budget of $18 million or so. And it had Sarah Michelle Gellar playing a porn star - how could you not want to see that?<br /><br />-Gawker has no intention of accepting Tucker's bet. Although they will continue to mock him, so I guess it's win-win.<br /><br /><br />The fact that Tucker hasn't been posting as much has meant I haven't had much to poke fun at. If you've got any leads or rumors post them in the comments section.Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-53272033901025960132008-09-08T08:35:00.000-07:002008-09-08T08:51:26.079-07:00You asked for it<object width="425" height="350"> <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_sFw5YIXSrU"> </param> <embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_sFw5YIXSrU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed> </object><br /><br />I actually started out by having my friend videotape me doing a shit on the book. But then he puked when I did the shit, and then I puked too. And then he puked on the video camera and ruined the tape.<br /><br />So there's no evidence I shat on the book.<br /><br />You'll just have to take my word for it.<br /><br /><a href="http://img117.imageshack.us/my.php?image=beforeev1.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://img117.imageshack.us/img117/8431/beforeev1.th.jpg" border="0" alt="Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://img604.imageshack.us/content.php?page=blogpost&files=img117/8431/beforeev1.jpg" title="QuickPost"><img src="http://imageshack.us/img/butansn.png" alt="QuickPost" border="0"></a> Before<br /><br /><a href="http://img20.imageshack.us/my.php?image=afterul9.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://img20.imageshack.us/img20/893/afterul9.th.jpg" border="0" alt="Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://img604.imageshack.us/content.php?page=blogpost&files=img20/893/afterul9.jpg" title="QuickPost"><img src="http://imageshack.us/img/butansn.png" alt="QuickPost" border="0"></a> After<br /><br />I won't lie to you. This was immensely satisfying.<br /><br />I buried the remains of the book in an old Indian burial ground - so it's safe to say that that'll be the last we see of it!Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-30805817209953750432008-09-02T16:09:00.000-07:002008-09-02T16:39:34.228-07:00Is Tucker Max suffering from writer's block?<span style="font-style: italic;">If this post gets 20 responses, I will burn my copy of IHTSBIH and post pics here. Don't worry, I bought it second-hand so no money went to the author.</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/8240/affeditqs2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/8240/affeditqs2.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Whatever happened to Assholes Finish First? Tucker told people to <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/archive/index.php/t-12327.html">start pre-ordering</a> it on the 16th November of 2006, slating it for release in fall 2007. Then that got <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=17864">pushed back</a> from fall 2007 to fall 2008. Well look, here we are in fall 2008 and there's no sign of the book.<br /><br />Now, on one hand I can understand that maybe there is a reason to delay your book by a year, if you want to add some stories or <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/archive/index.php/t-21233.html">coincide it's release with your movie launch</a>. But the movie isn't even finished yet, and probably won't be out until April or May 2009. At that stage, AFF will have been put back a grand total of <span style="font-weight: bold;">19 months</span>.<br /><br />Now, that ain't so bad I suppose.. if you genuinely do have a book ready. But the thing is... Tucker hasn't posted an original story this year. <span style="font-style: italic;">Or all of last year.</span> Or since um.. I dunno. August 2006? <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=10708">The Midget Story</a> is the last actual story that Tucker has posted.<br /><br />That's over 2 years ago!<br /><br /><br />So what's he done in the meantime?<br /><br />- well he wrote <a href="http://tuckermaxlies.blogspot.com/2008/08/download-i-hope-they-serve-beer-in-hell.html">a screenplay</a>, a screenplay that contains no new original material or jokes. Wait, sorry, he CO-wrote the screenplay. He couldn't even annotate his own novel into a screenplay without help.<br /><br />- he pretty much got himself blacklisted at Comedy Central. <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=17864">"I canceled the TV deal with Sony/Comedy Central. There will be no Tucker Max TV show in the near future."</a> Oh Tucker... back when I was a sycophantic fan even I balked at that line, you fooled nobody.<br /><br />- he wrote <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=18190">the Afterword</a> to Paul Wall's autobiography. Now, I'm no Ernest Hemingway.. but don't you usually write the book first, and then the Afterword. Maybe Tucker is planning to revolutionise the delivery of literature now. "Fuck linear story-telling, bro! Tarantino everything! Begin with the end of the book!"<br /><br />- the IHTSBIH movie. Well now here's something at least, he found financing for the film and helped cast it. Apparently he turned down big-name studio after big-name studio, until he settled down with indie misfits Darko and three D-List actors. Two years well spent.<br /><br /><br />Supposedly, Assholes Finish First is good-to-go whenever the movie is released. I find this so hard to believe when <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/archive/index.php/t-18191.html">he already said that we'd be reading excerpts of it throughout 2008</a> as he finely tuned his "art". So far nobody has seen a single story from it - do you know why this is?<br /><br />Three reasons.<br /><br />#1 - IHTSBIH was the culmination of about 15 years worth of stories that had been finely exaggerated from their original form. AFF can only contain stories that were written in the period between IHTSBIH's publication and the present. That's a time period of 2 years and 8 months.<br /><br />#2 - All of Tucker's friends have grown-up and moved on. Jojo doesn't even bother with the messageboard anymore, and Slingblade is a happily married man these days. So now Tucker has to be funny all on his own - no Slingblade supporting character, no drunken twenty-something wingmen, just a 33 year old manchild. You want to know the sad truth? <span style="font-style: italic;">Tucker Max doesn't really have that many friends anymore.</span><br /><br />And as such, it's not possible for him to be doing any of the things that made the first book a success.<br /><br />#3 - People want proof. He's e-famous now. There's people who will say they saw him, and that things did not happen the way he says they did. He can't fudge the details anymore, the guy with the camera can't throw up on the tape anymore, the fat girl doesn't run off in real life once she's gotten her "dose" of insults. And now Tucker must actually record things as they actually happened. And he's finding that hard.<br /><br />So don't hold your breath for Assholes Finish First to be released at the same time as the movie. And when it is finally released, don't be surprised when you see that most of the stories are from the same period as IHTSBIH (yet somehow they were never written in the first 4 years of the site's life?), it's far easier to retcon the past than write recent stories.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">If this post gets 20 responses, I will burn my copy of IHTSBIH and post pics here. Don't worry, I bought it second-hand so no money went to the author.</span>Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com62tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-81098144852940442732008-08-24T17:05:00.000-07:002008-08-24T17:37:42.294-07:00Sillylittlefreak<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/675/slfzj7.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 235px; height: 235px;" src="http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/675/slfzj7.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />This is the RMMB's very own Sillylittlefreak <span style="font-style: italic;">(aka Jon Tando)</span><br /><br />www.myspace.com/sillylittlefreak<br /><br />www.myspace.com/jontando <span style="font-style: italic;">(now deleted. presumably out of shame)</span><br /><br />www.jontando.com<br /><br />http://www.linkedin.com/in/jontando<br /><br />http://www.shapelessdesign.com <span style="font-style: italic;">(His "company")</span><br /><br />http://digg.com/users/jontando/history/submissions <span style="font-style: italic;">(Digg user... submitted a Tucker story that got a MASSIVE 7 diggs)</span><br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/user/jontando <span style="font-style: italic;">(Subscribers.... 1)</span><br /><br />http://jontando.blogspot.com/ <span style="font-style: italic;">(Hasn't been used since 2004)<br /><br /></span>Read <a href="http://74.125.95.104/search?q=cache:Pc1_BEClo3wJ:forum.myspace.com/index.cfm%3Ffuseaction%3Dmessageboard.viewThread%26entryID%3D21500722%26categoryID%3D0%26IsSticky%3D0%26groupID%3D102238468%26Mytoken%3D1BF726A3-50F0-4D7B-8F781DEB54EF3C2D1247515+jontando&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=28&gl=ie&client=firefox-a">this:</a><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span>"I'm priced out of their range...Their words, not mine. My rep asked them for $120k a year. I think they're offering in the $80-90k range."<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sillylittlefreak is 37 years old and currently unemployed. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">lol.</span></span>Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-25659707079150834632008-08-19T12:35:00.000-07:002008-08-19T13:00:35.365-07:00The A-Z of Rudius, part 2You can find the first part <a href="http://tuckermaxlies.blogspot.com/2008/08/a-z-of-rudius-part-1.html">here</a>, it covers A-G<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">H is for HotWheelz</span><br /><br />Do you ever see those videos of politicians kissing babies and hugging old women in the street during the run-up to an election? That’s what I think of everytime I see Tucker talk about HotWheelz. Let me jump back to the start.<br /><br />HotWheelz is a cripple, he suffers from muscular dystrophy and has been confined to a wheelchair most of his life. He created a memorable thread called “<a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=10799">Ask A Cripple</a>” where posters were invited to ask him anything. His upbeat attitude and witty responses elicited a positive response, and eventually the fact that he’s a virgin was spun into <a href="http://www.loveonwheelz.net/">another Rudius website</a>.<br /><br />It’s the 15th most “popular” Rudius site, although it isn’t listed on the Rudius Media <a href="http://www.rudiusmedia.com/">page</a> which I guess means that the only difference between HotWheelz and other Rudius writers is that he doesn’t get paid. Rudius writers get paid... <a href="http://gawker.com/5034905/how-to-keep-employees-happy-by-tucker-max">don’t they?</a><br /><br />I’m getting sidetracked, on with the post:<br /><br />Hotwheelz is a tool.<br /><br />Not in the sense that he’s an idiot, he actually seems quite pleasant for someone who has a tube in their neck. But he’s a tool in that he is used as one by Tucker to counter-balance the “asshole” image. The “asshole” image must stand carefully between the full-blown faggoty-ass “I’m not paying you. And you’re fired.” asshole (which is what Tucker is) and the “Oh my Gawd, I can’t believe you said that to my friend! You are *such* an asshole – can I have your number?” cool guy asshole.<br /><br />Giving HotWheelz his own site, and a small cameo in the movie is Tucker doing his own PR. “Hey guys! Don’t rag on him, he may be a cripple… but he’s cool with me.” How could Tucker possibly be a raging douchebag if he’s friends with a cripple? He’s clearly not an asshole at all, and <span style="font-style: italic;">inside</span> there is a tender heart of goodness.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I is for Idiot Board</span><br /><br />The Idiot Board may be the only message board on the entire web that requires you <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/forumdisplay.php?f=25">to make an “audition” topic</a>, which may or may not get moved to the board where retards can actually start posting on it.<br /><br />Let me just clarify this, your topic must compete in a mini American Idol competition before it can become an actual topic.<br /><br />A glance at the first page shows topics where the last post is 5 days old. <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/forumdisplay.php?f=2">Week old topics remain on the front page of the message boards</a> – whilst others never get to see the light of day. Far be it from me to suggest an improvement to the message boards, but really? This is your preferred way of running the main board?<br /><br />Right now I can see that there are 300 people viewing the Board, yet only 9 topics there have had new messages posted in them today? What does this tell us? That most people would rather not post, than put up with shitty Nazi posting rules.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">J is for Jarhead</span><br /><br />If you were to choose one group of people to pander to, to have your back, to use as defense whenever you need one the military would be it.<br /><br />I could sit here and type about how joining the military is dumb. About how dying for rich white men in suits in a foreign desert is dumb. About how naivety and a misplaced notion of patriotism will get you into a war you didn’t have to fight. That dying for your country in this day and age is fucking stupid.<br /><br />Horrible isn’t it? To attack people who are putting their life on the line for you and your country.<br /><br />Now if I were a best-selling author. I’d probably try and ally myself with this group, a little bullshit charity <a href="http://www.tankedforthetroops.org/">here</a>, a phony diary by a made-up soldier <a href="http://www.hoo-ah.net/">here</a> (torn apart by actual real-life soldiers <a href="http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19107">here</a>), post stories about how they like to read my book in their base camps and fanatically idolize them on my message boards.<br /><br />Get a few on the boards and give them their own private board to discuss military matters. Pretty soon you’ll have a whole jingo-ish message board army at your disposal. If you’re not with us, you’re against us.<br /><br />And from there? Just look at it like this: there’s a LOT of soldiers, and there’s nothing soldiers love more than to drink, fuck and tell stories – that means a lot of books to sell. Soldiers aren’t going to question the stories, they don’t get paid for their investigative minds. Why not manipulate them for your own image? Halliburton shouldn't be the only one profiting from the Iraq War.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">K is for Knowledge</span><br /><br />Knowledge, and its control, are the lifeblood of Tucker Max. Any dissent on the message boards is immediately stamped out, no matter how prevalent the point. If, like me, you’ve ever posted anything negative you’ll be familiar with these stages:<br /><ol><li>Postive rep “I’m glad someone had the balls to say it”</li><li>Selective quoting by a sycophantic moderator. They’ll build up an argument that you didn’t even mention and then tear it down, thus <span style="font-style: italic;">proving</span> you wrong.</li><li>Your post is deleted. Maybe it leaves a “This post was deleted” space, but it’s usually less suspicious to just make the post disappear entirely. </li><li>And then maybe you get a suspension too.</li></ol>By controlling information on the message board it becomes increasingly easy to shape your image, and by “punishing” anyone who isn’t towing the party line you can stifle out the truth.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">L is for Lies</span><br /><br />Would you believe I spent like 5 minutes trying to think of an “L” before I thought of “lies”? I am dumb.<br /><br />I could go on about Tucker’s lies until the Internet becomes obsolete, but let’s just look at one for now. The fake Amazon reviews.<br /><br /><a href="http://weblogs.java.net/blog/monsonhaefel/archive/2003/11/amazoncom_revie.html">It is so easy to fake an Amazon review.</a> Look back at the “<a href="http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/the_now_infamous_tucker_max_charity_auction_debacle.phtml">Tucker Max charity auction debacle</a>” where he talks about making multiple accounts on “Infirmation.com” to create the false idea that certain companies were paying summer associates more than the average, thus heightening the average.<br /><br />Is Tucker above writing fake Amazon reviews of his own book? If you’re answering “Yes” to that question then please unplug your computer and stick a fork in the socket.<br />If you're not going to believe it from me, then take it from one of the board's own mods, speaking anonymously:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><blockquote>Those rumors about Tucker having his mods (and selected others) go to Amazon.com to give fake reviews of his book in an effort to drive up sales, IT'S FUCKING TRUE. I saw it firsthand, I wrote two of those fucking reviews on TUCKER'S REQUEST. It's fucking true, and I wish I kept the PM he sent me to let me know he not only liked the review, but wanted me to go back for seconds.<br /><br /></blockquote></span></div>And he’s willing to lie to sell a copy of his book, then surely he’s willing to lie in the book, to your face, on his message board and to his employees.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">M is for Macho-Centric</span><br /><br />When you go into work tomorrow I’d like you to sneak up behind a co-worker you don’t like that much, and choke them until they lose consciousness.<br /><br />When you’re being escorted out of the building by police, take a second to wonder why doing this in the real world was wrong, yet doing this on the set of a multi-million dollar movie, whilst a producer films you doing it, is <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">FUCKING AWESOME</span>.<br /><br />I’ll never understand why causing physical harm to another person is considered manly, but making a stand by quitting a film due to bullying is considered shameful, cowardly and <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=22985">indicative of a lack of character</a>.<br /><br />For idiots on the RMMB, the choke-video was considered both <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?p=675886">hilarious and life-affirming</a>. I find it a bit disturbing that someone could do that over words said on a message board, and come out looking like a hero.<br /><br />I guess there must be something wrong with <span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>.Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8168811140535749766.post-70051875630551706702008-08-15T01:49:00.000-07:002008-08-15T03:42:00.267-07:00Define “idiocy”<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.danoconnor.com/images/golf/golf_cartoon_shoot_self_in_foot.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.danoconnor.com/images/golf/golf_cartoon_shoot_self_in_foot.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />A bunch of morons <a href="http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=22942">attacking a website</a> for <a href="http://gawker.com/5034795/the-tucker-max-asshole-allegation-roundup">posting unverifiable stories</a>, in defense of a guy who makes his living from writing <a href="http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/tucker_tries_buttsex_hilarity_does_not_ensue.phtml">unverifiable stories</a>.Lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775902786521155607noreply@blogger.com4