Douchestribution!

http://www.freestylereleasing.com/library.htm#i

Ok, so all of us that yelled "straight to DVD" were wrong, and everyone in the Tucker camp that yelled "2000 screens opening weekend No. 1 in the Box Office" is gona be wrong.

Freestyle Releasing are a small-ish distribution company and Tucker's movie is going to be opening on less that 400 screens its opening weekend. They have no money for promotion, and nobody cares.

It's sad that we have to wait until September 25th to see how badly this fails. I keep losing interest in the Tucker Max saga, because if you're like me you've come to realise that everything that gets written on Rudius and his site is an outright absolute lie. So you have a constant cavalcade of lies that eventually get proven to be what they are, and meanwhile people on the RMMB continue to act like blind sycophants gobbling it up.

Tucker said he would be getting distribution from Fox. He didn't.

Tucker said he would have a $25+ million opening weekend. Look at Freestyle's other movies, can you guess how many of them had that big an opening weekend?

An American Haunting - 5.7 million
The Haunting of Molly Hartley - 5.4 million
The Illusionist - 6.1 million

I didn't go through all of them, those were the only ones I recognised. And according to here there biggest opening weekend is $6 million-ish.

Tucker promises a 35day cross country IHTSBIH movie-premiere-schwag-athon. I think we know anything that requires this level of organisation from Tucker is already, at this early stage, completely fucked.

Tucker said he was offered 8 figures for distribution. He didn't. Nope. Non. No wai. Never happened.


So what else is new in Tucker land?

• Bunny is in rehab. I'd like to think we played a small part in that with our online vitriol. Punch and pie for all.

• Very stupid people are protesting Tucker Max when he goes to colleges. This will just stir up controversy and interest in the movie. The best thing to do is ignore it, or make hater posts on the internet. Rawr.

• Assholes Finish First was released to international literary acclaim. Oh wait.. what? No it wasn't?
• Who could have predicted that? :D

• My video of IHTSBIH being burnt to a delicious cinder crisp? 11,500 views. Trolling Tucker fans has never been so much fun. I can't believe this video has more views than the one of me dressed up like Diana Ross. SO much work went into that costume..

• Some new Tucker hate sites have popped up. Add them to your favourites!
• http://www.fuckermax.blogspot.com/
• http://tuckermaxisadouche.blogspot.com/
• Cockly McBeefwell is back! OR something! Either way, tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com is no longer on the internets and all the stuff was transferred over to this new place. The dream never dies! You can still view all 6000+ comments over here but it seems new comments should be for the new site, lest we split the Tucker haters. Divided we are weak, but united - we are not as weak. Sorta.

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FINALLY, here's a quick guid on how to discredit Tucker should he ever come up in a social situation. If you're like me, you probably want to keep the fact that you run/participate in an anti-Tucker website quiet when doing so. But how to do it without giving away that you know way too much about Tucker?

Step 1: Take a lofty approach over the person who enthusiastically brought up Tucker. "Yeah, his stories are alright - but they're massively embellished. You'd be foolish to believe everything he writes."

Step 2: Use facts and lies to help you. "Isn't Tucker Max like, about 40 years old? And he just goes around to colleges talking about when he used to be in college? Isn't that kind of sad?"

Step 3: Condition people to dislike his movie even before it comes out. "Yeah a movie based on his book or something? I read on IMDB that no-one even wants to distribute it for him - apparently he really is an asshole in real life, the movie is supposed to suck the big one"

Step 4: The outright character destroying lie: "Oh yeah I was at a Borders one time when he was doing a book signing. There was nobody there. I went over to say hi and he told me to fuck off. He has really small hands as well. Nobody likes him. If you like him you're probably a loser."

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3 WEEKS TIL THE FIRST IHTSBIH TRAILER!!
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That's all for now. Until next time, I encourage you all to keep thinking about Tucker. Especially you TATguy!

A check your ass can't cash

I think one of the things that makes those of us in the ‘anti-Tucker’ camp laugh so much is Tucker’s (and by logical extension, his ilk of ill-willed whelks – ha, ha… that was highly lame) utter obliviousness to his own antics.
It’s true; Tucker does make us laugh, but not for the reasons he makes psorry pseudofrats and would-be womanizers laugh. Tucker makes me laugh because he continually promises things he doesn’t deliver on.

All aboard the USS Tucker

I wrote the following post anonymously on the Doucebag blog a while back; It sums up what I’m talking about:

Tuck wrote this today: "So I promised more posts now that editing is over, and what do I do? Not post for like two weeks. Good job Tucker, fucking dick.

Here's the thing: I don't know what to write about because there's nothing to do right now. I mean, don't get me wrong, there is a lot being done, but none of it is being done by me, and nothing really requires my feedback or input."

He wrote these things awhile back: "Lots more pics and videos coming..."

"...That being said, we have a TON of video that we haven't cataloged yet, and Greg is working furiously on that now. So there will be new stuff from the shooting coming...."

"For the next few months, I will probably only post 2-3 times per week. I am going to go back and address a lot of things I missed, answer all the questions from this thread, and clean stuff up like that..."

Those are pull quotes from various blog entries, but the latest one is from October. Hey, doucebag, if you have nothing to do (since you're useless to those people actually WORKING on the movie, and you pushed your book back ANOTHER year), how about getting to all the revolutionary behind-the-scenes stuff you promised four months ago? Or are you too busy not having a girlfriend anymore?

Tucker really believes his own hype, even though all available evidence points to the contrary. He prattles on about how ‘revolutionary’ his movie blog is, even though it’s just a few basic explanations of some of the things that go into getting a movie made – but it’s nothing a guy can’t figure out on his own, or read about on 6,000 other websites, were he so inclined.
But in order to really make a revolutionary, behind-the-scenes type of presentation, he’d need to do more than just post random interviews with Steadicam operators, sandwiched in between fifty-seven posts that are some variation on the theme of how ‘the die has been cast/ it’s all on the table/ our fates have been sealed.’ Maybe he’s planning on heaving a ton of new behind-the-scenes material our way after the movie releases, but how is that revolutionary? That’s done all the time. Meanwhile, readers are left scratching their heads because they don’t know anything more about the WHOLE, COHESIVE, SYSTEMATIC moviemaking process than they did when they started. He simply hasn’t delivered.
Lack of delivery is the only consistent thing about him. Bunny’s book? His second book? A movie by the end of 2008? All these TV shows and book deals he supposedly helmed? Rudius Media is still just a clever name for a bunch of linked websites… if he’d only promised to spin his wheels and be a mediocre has-been novelty act who only encountered a modicum of fame because the ubiquity of the internet was still in its relative infancy, at least we could give him credit for making good on his promises.
All the while, NOBODY buzzes about how revolutionary Tucker’s project is except him. I know, I know: nobody’s going to see it until a few years down the road. Does he really expect anyone to believe that? Does he really believe it himself?
Eh, who knows… maybe he’ll prove us all wrong. All I know is that the economy’s in the tank, everyone’s struggling just to survive, and here’s this guy, acting like what he’s doing is actually important to the world. He really plans to achieve something great. We all know how often what he plans actually comes to pass.

Always open with a joke

Why did Tucker Max cross the road?









I don't know. But Tucker Max is a massive faggot so fuck him.


Mildly interesting post on this blog.. just the usual dismantling of the Tucker Max e-persona.

You can now download IHTSBIH original edition at torrent sites, sadly you will have to pay big bucks for oncoming extended edition - but needless to say the new stories will be 100% awesome and true.

Man, I just love reading the comments on the Youtube video of the book burning:

"congratulations on wasting 15 dollars d bag."

Yeah I'm pretty sure that buying the book itself was a waste of 15 dollars.

"Fucking losers are just sad that you live a boring life. The fact that you did that, video taped it, uploaded it onto youtube shows how sad your life really is."

"...but yo prolly just dont have a sense of humor so you should just shut the fuck up and u really do need to get a life if all do is sit around all day and burn books just because u dont like them"

Yeah. I've got nothing better to do than run down Tucker Max. You can clearly see I'm pouring my life into it. That's why this website is updated thrice daily as me and Barry toil at the printing presses making pamphlets to spread the truth. Please don't forget to subscribe to our RSS and instant text messaging alerts so you can get breaking Tucker Max news as it happens.

"have fun living with yourself knowing that you might be the biggest tool box on youtube. Enjoy the pathetic excuse you have of a life you sad little hypocrite. "

I'm definitely the biggest toolbox on Youtube, but I used to be second to a video of some guy choking out a colleague on the set of a film whilst a small-handed, lispy fuckstick videotaped it. Lucky for me that video got taken down, so now the title is mine!!

Judging from the grammar and idiocy displayed, a lot of Tucker's fans are young teenagers and probably won't be able to get in to see IHTSBIH if it gets R-rated. Kind of makes their relentless fanboy'ing all the more hilarious.

This comment was left on one of my most recent posts, in regards to how many people attend Tucker Max book signings:

Hello, I know this is a bit late, but I noticed you asked questions about his book signing. http://to-be-revised.blogspot.com/2009/01/gg-draft-2.html This is just the rough draft of an account of his book signing in Chicago.I hoped it came off as, for the most part, impartial. I'm kind of a sickeningly positive person though... so if you want just the gist of it. The turn out was huge. I would say it was close to four hundred who came in all, if not more. I'm really not exaggerating. Even after he left some people still came in and that was around 9.45 pm.Hope that helps.

Sadly that link is down at the moment. If the report is true that's a pretty impressive turnout. Tucker Max as a piece of pop culture seems to slowly be coming more into the mainstream.

I was sitting in a bar with a few friends not too long ago, when one guy (a journalism major, really cool guy) turns to me and asks if I've heard of Tucker Max. I tell him I know about him and I've read the book. He tells me about the movie coming soon and about the new book which will be even funnier than the first. I tell him I think a lot of Tucker's stories are bullshit, and he replies so quickly "Yeah! Of course!! They're hugely embellished. He's full of shit"

"Then why do you read them?" I asked.

"Because they're entertaining."

I couldn't help roll my eyes. Even Tucker's fans know his stories are bullshit. But it seems that one small fact isn't stopping him from becoming popular.

Why do I even bother?