Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Happy New Year*

*especially you Tucker.

Latest Gawker report on Tucker:
http://gawker.com/5124568/your-tucker-max-movie-update

And read through the old Gawker stuff here:
http://gawker.com/tag/Tucker-Max/

It's fucking beautiful how some people tear him apart in the comments.


Sorry I haven't been posting as much, but much like Tucker's fans, I've started to care less and less about him.

Tucker is doing a book signing tour in January: http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=24902

I don't know if any readers here live close to any of these locations (I don't) but I'd love it if one of you went and could tell us how many people really show up to these things. Because I can imagine when Tucker posts he'll be telling us that the crowd to see him at Books A Million in Maryland was 80 deep and some old woman buying the latest Oprah Book Club recommendation got crushed to death.

Going through the most recent blog posts on the movie site has been a bit of fun, especially posts like this and the bizarre lies in it:
-Suki (the DP) took the movie to the colorist last week; he is the guy who makes sure all the colors are balanced correctly and look right in the final product. This guy has seen probably 10,000 movies in his life. He watches movies all day. It's literally his job. Well, he couldn't do his job on our movie. Why? He was laughing too hard. He was literally in such fits of laughter, he couldn't concentrate or focus, so he gave up trying to pay attention to his job and just watched it all the way through, as a fan.
Really?! WELL FUCK ME WITH A AIDS-INFECTED WRENCH! Get this guys and girls, this movie is SO funny, so potent in hilarity that people who work on it are laughing too hard they are UNABLE to do their jobs right.

It's quite charming that he thinks that causing just over a grands worth of damage to a house he was renting is badass. Also, in the related thread this post made me smile, you know Rudius aren't paying these guys shit, nor will they ever see a dime if IHTSBIH is profitable.
"Oh I completely agree, not to kiss ass but I can't think of many better companies to work for than Rudius. But then again, I've only worked shitty manual labor jobs, so anything seems preferable to that."
lol.


I imagine everyone got a chance to read this as well where Tucker brags about how he and Nils wrote a rap song for Paul Wall to sing. The previous sentence is perhaps the most ominous thing ever written in the English language. You have to read the thread that goes with it too, some guy calls Tucker out on his bullshit, does alright for a bit and then fucks it up by trying to pass off someone else's post as his own. Someone calls him out for plagiarism and he gets banned... but cmon, the guy is a rap producer! It's called sampling!

Btw it's been 3 years since Paul Wall had a hit. Almost the same length of time since Tucker wrote some new material. Is being a douchebag infectious now?


I was sorry to see the passing of tuckermaxdoucebag into the annals of history (hehe. annals.) but I'll happily tip my hat to Cockly McBeefwell and anyone who contributed to the 5000 comments that broke blogspot. So keep visiting this site and talking about Tucker in the comments section, I'll continue to post here with the latest news when I can.

There are now positions open for 2 people who would like to write for this site, just create a Blogger.com account, post in comments and I'll add you to the Authors section and you will be able to make posts.

I'll even put you on a Rudius Media starting salary.

23 comments:

Barry Bater said...

Light, I want to throw my hat into the ring for consideration as one of your two writers. In addition to being the "Fake Tucker Fan" from the old doucebag page, I also wrote part 7 of the Tucker Max interview, and I distributed copies of the script to several people after Tucker took it offline. I believe this more than qualifies me for the esteemed position you seek to fill. Please notify me at your convenience. I will be expecting that Rudius Media- level salary, however. I do have chewing gum to buy, after all.

Anonymous said...

Holy fucking shit,

Barry Bater is a fucking liar. There is only one real "fake" Tucker fan, and that's me, BITCH!!!

Maybe he's not faking, maybe he just created an account today and then embellishing about being me, but what do I know, I only write my own shit and didn't fuck a lot of women like Tucker, but neither did Barry, plus he's a liar.

I'm going to have to contemplate this while I read my own "Tucker Max Drunk" fan fiction stories I wrote while I jerk off and do a keg stand (Fuck you, it can be done).

Barry sucks!!

Anonymous said...

That's nothing Barry.

I one time drove a car through a donut shop window, after drinking fake absinthe supplied from an ad on my web site. As I surveyed the damage, a fat Asian chick climbed out of the rubble. I squinted my eyes and said, "Who ordered the one ton?". Her jaw just dropped, along with a few shattered teeth. I know she wanted to fuck me, but I wasn't into fat girls, especially as rigor mortis sets in.

Anonymous said...

Why do you guys call Tucker Otto on the other boards?

Anonymous said...

Light:

You must attempt to steal Ryan Holiday away from Rudius. I will throw in $50 towards that goal. You just need to match the $50 and that will be more money than Holiday "earned" from Rudius.

I'm not suggesting going after Holiday because he has talent (let's face it - he has ZERO) but rather because I bet he has some great material on how Tucker is 100% full of shit.

Barry Bater said...

"Holy fucking shit,

Barry Bater is a fucking liar. There is only one real "fake" Tucker fan, and that's me, BITCH!!!

Maybe he's not faking, maybe he just created an account today and then embellishing about being me, but what do I know, I only write my own shit and didn't fuck a lot of women like Tucker, but neither did Barry, plus he's a liar.

I'm going to have to contemplate this while I read my own "Tucker Max Drunk" fan fiction stories I wrote while I jerk off and do a keg stand (Fuck you, it can be done).

Barry sucks!!"

Yeah, dude, I don't know what to tell you. I'm the FUNNY 'fake Tucker fan' from the other board (I know there are others, but I'm the one people actually enjoyed reading).

Anonymous said...

Great, so this site has attracted the worst of the worst commentators from the doucebag site.

Light, you've got a lot of material to work with, but you've got to build up your site before you can rely on the comment section. Here's a good starting point: Based on "Greg"'s analysis of the movie, it's not that good.


And then there's this:

" Jay-Bird
[Quoting Greg]:
"...8 week shoot filled with drama behind the scenes... despite all the struggles in Shreveport... the arguments, the tension, the personality clashes..."


I've been reading the blog since it started, but I don't believe you guys have touched much on what you said here. Would you elaborate on this?"

How long before this gets disappeared? Or Drex posts some awkward joke that pretends to dismiss the entire question?

Anonymous said...

To those who comment - when you quote something on either the beerinhell blog or the rmmb boards - give us the hyperlink afterwards so we can see what you're talking about.

Anonymous said...

You have to get the best commenters from the last site. The funny ones like "Fake Tucker Fan" and even the serious ones who lacked nicknames. It's too bad "TATguy" can't write also because he was creative at times. And it seems to me that anyone that invested in trying to get people to altogether stop talking about Tucker probably hates him more than we do. I would write for you but I suck at writing. Good luck, I'll be reading.

Anonymous said...

"Yeah, dude, I don't know what to tell you. I'm the FUNNY 'fake Tucker fan' from the other board (I know there are others, but I'm the one people actually enjoyed reading)."

Holy Fucking Shit,

Barry is as delusionul as Tucker. First he says he follows up SOMEBODY ELSES WORK (Part 7) and then takes credit for my work.

What's next? Are you going to start your own message board?

Barry Bater said...

^^ I don't know which 'Fake Tucker fan' posts you're talking about; maybe that's the problem. I'm NOT the guy who ended his posts with 'Tucker, you the man!', so if you think I'm claiming to be THAT guy, then that's where the confusion lies. I'm the OTHER 'fake Tucker fan', author of such classics as:

"Hahahahahaha! A bouncy castle! Oh, sweet plantation corn, that's hiLARious!! See, 'cause, like, the guy wants a BBOUNCY CASTLE at his WEDDING!! Hahahahahasadness! Who even DOES that?!?! It's like, this guy is SO zany, SO crazy, that even though he's a responsible, productive member of society, he STILL has a little KID in him who wants a BOUNCY CASTLE!!! Oh, GOODness - what a crazy, fun-loving character!

See, THAT'S what makes Tucker so special and awesome and funny. It's like, the Tucker character grows SO MUCH in this artistic film, that by the end, he discovers the true value of friendship and love and glory, and it's an epic transformation that will take the viewing audience on a journey of self-discovery - but you can bet your bottom donut that, along the way, there's going to be some INSANELY funny antics!!

OH

SWEET

LORD

TUCKER

IS

REALLY

FUNNY!!!"

Also, I really am the author of part 7 of the interview; I got tired of waiting for the original author to write it. You act like there's no way it could be done - like that was actually great literature or something. Snap out of it.

Anonymous said...

So if this movie does become a hit, won't Matt Czucurhy be the one that becomes famous not Tucker.

Tucker has proven many times that he can't do press and that he comes off as awkward and uninteresting.

If the movie is a hit they will inteview the cast, not the writers. Sorry, that's how it works.

There are exceptions such as the case of Juno. In that case the story was very original and the writer played a backstory about her being a stripper. Reporters ate it up. Being a wealthy jock makes fun of poor ugly people isn't all that appealing. But who knows, right?

Anonymous said...

I think that because the story is "loosely based" on Tucker's life, that Tucker will get more press than the average writer. In addition, this is an indy flick, so if it succeeds that will give Tucker additional press.

I do not disagree with the comments that Tucker is horrible at doing press, which is ironic considering he is supposed to be the "on the spot, witty, cool guy".

Light said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Light said...

Barry I tried to add you as an author now, but I need an email address to send the invite to. So create a new email address, post it here and I'll invite you.

I wouldn't recommend posting an email address you like to use, you might end up getting spammed.

Paying $50 to get Ryan Holiday here seems like a good idea, but do you really think trebling his current wage would entice him away from Otto's nuts?

Anonymous said...

"I do not disagree with the comments that Tucker is horrible at doing press, which is ironic considering he is supposed to be the "on the spot, witty, cool guy".

--

That's the rub I guess. He needs to be sent to charm school before the movie takes off.

I think the guy is very successful at what he does. Yet the humor doesn't appeal to me. I'm the same age as Tucker too.

He claims he's successful because he's honest. The facts betray that logic. I'm not talking about his stories. I could care less if he drove a car into a store window. I'm talking about the way he handles situations that are out of his control and the way he treats people in general.

Anonymous said...

RE - OTTO:

One of the Tucker Max interviews was with his dad. Daddy Max revealed that the "Tucker" was supposed to be the stage name for a gay porn star. "Otto" was Tucker's intended name. They dropped him on his head a few times, and what with his mom's drinking and failed abortion attempts, they wanted a simple name that a dyslexic tard could handle. They accidentally switched the paperwork, and that was that.

Barry Bater said...

Light- sweet, man. Use this email address: barrybater2001@yahoo.com. That's a dummy address I set up when I used to bait would-be-419 scammers (Barry Bater? BAITER? Get it? hahahaha), and Barry Bater is (obviously) not my real name.

I promise I won't let you down, Light. I will stoke the fires of Tucker-hatred with vigor and virtue.

Ghost Dog said...

Light - good job keeping the doucebaggery going. I was hoping the best of the old blog would spill over to here when blogspot broke.

Barry Bater - don't blow it.

Anonymous said...

Great first post!

Tucker Max is much like the gang rape scene in the Jodie Foster movie 'The Accused.' Soemone gets raped and a group of boys loudly cheer the rapist on.

The idea that he thinks what he does is art or important on any level beyond a fart joke is stunning.

Bufthsects, indeed!

Nobody said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nobody said...

Hello, I know this is a bit late, but I noticed you asked questions about his book signing.

http://to-be-revised.blogspot.com/2009/01/gg-draft-2.html

This is just the rough draft of an account of his book signing in Chicago.

I hoped it came off as, for the most part, impartial. I'm kind of a sickeningly positive person though... so if you want just the gist of it. The turn out was huge. I would say it was close to four hundred who came in all, if not more. I'm really not exaggerating. Even after he left some people still came in and that was around 9.45 pm.

Hope that helps.

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