Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A check your ass can't cash

I think one of the things that makes those of us in the ‘anti-Tucker’ camp laugh so much is Tucker’s (and by logical extension, his ilk of ill-willed whelks – ha, ha… that was highly lame) utter obliviousness to his own antics.
It’s true; Tucker does make us laugh, but not for the reasons he makes psorry pseudofrats and would-be womanizers laugh. Tucker makes me laugh because he continually promises things he doesn’t deliver on.

All aboard the USS Tucker

I wrote the following post anonymously on the Doucebag blog a while back; It sums up what I’m talking about:

Tuck wrote this today: "So I promised more posts now that editing is over, and what do I do? Not post for like two weeks. Good job Tucker, fucking dick.

Here's the thing: I don't know what to write about because there's nothing to do right now. I mean, don't get me wrong, there is a lot being done, but none of it is being done by me, and nothing really requires my feedback or input."

He wrote these things awhile back: "Lots more pics and videos coming..."

"...That being said, we have a TON of video that we haven't cataloged yet, and Greg is working furiously on that now. So there will be new stuff from the shooting coming...."

"For the next few months, I will probably only post 2-3 times per week. I am going to go back and address a lot of things I missed, answer all the questions from this thread, and clean stuff up like that..."

Those are pull quotes from various blog entries, but the latest one is from October. Hey, doucebag, if you have nothing to do (since you're useless to those people actually WORKING on the movie, and you pushed your book back ANOTHER year), how about getting to all the revolutionary behind-the-scenes stuff you promised four months ago? Or are you too busy not having a girlfriend anymore?

Tucker really believes his own hype, even though all available evidence points to the contrary. He prattles on about how ‘revolutionary’ his movie blog is, even though it’s just a few basic explanations of some of the things that go into getting a movie made – but it’s nothing a guy can’t figure out on his own, or read about on 6,000 other websites, were he so inclined.
But in order to really make a revolutionary, behind-the-scenes type of presentation, he’d need to do more than just post random interviews with Steadicam operators, sandwiched in between fifty-seven posts that are some variation on the theme of how ‘the die has been cast/ it’s all on the table/ our fates have been sealed.’ Maybe he’s planning on heaving a ton of new behind-the-scenes material our way after the movie releases, but how is that revolutionary? That’s done all the time. Meanwhile, readers are left scratching their heads because they don’t know anything more about the WHOLE, COHESIVE, SYSTEMATIC moviemaking process than they did when they started. He simply hasn’t delivered.
Lack of delivery is the only consistent thing about him. Bunny’s book? His second book? A movie by the end of 2008? All these TV shows and book deals he supposedly helmed? Rudius Media is still just a clever name for a bunch of linked websites… if he’d only promised to spin his wheels and be a mediocre has-been novelty act who only encountered a modicum of fame because the ubiquity of the internet was still in its relative infancy, at least we could give him credit for making good on his promises.
All the while, NOBODY buzzes about how revolutionary Tucker’s project is except him. I know, I know: nobody’s going to see it until a few years down the road. Does he really expect anyone to believe that? Does he really believe it himself?
Eh, who knows… maybe he’ll prove us all wrong. All I know is that the economy’s in the tank, everyone’s struggling just to survive, and here’s this guy, acting like what he’s doing is actually important to the world. He really plans to achieve something great. We all know how often what he plans actually comes to pass.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Always open with a joke

Why did Tucker Max cross the road?

I don't know. But Tucker Max is a massive faggot so fuck him.

Mildly interesting post on this blog.. just the usual dismantling of the Tucker Max e-persona.

You can now download IHTSBIH original edition at torrent sites, sadly you will have to pay big bucks for oncoming extended edition - but needless to say the new stories will be 100% awesome and true.

Man, I just love reading the comments on the Youtube video of the book burning:

"congratulations on wasting 15 dollars d bag."

Yeah I'm pretty sure that buying the book itself was a waste of 15 dollars.

"Fucking losers are just sad that you live a boring life. The fact that you did that, video taped it, uploaded it onto youtube shows how sad your life really is."

"...but yo prolly just dont have a sense of humor so you should just shut the fuck up and u really do need to get a life if all do is sit around all day and burn books just because u dont like them"

Yeah. I've got nothing better to do than run down Tucker Max. You can clearly see I'm pouring my life into it. That's why this website is updated thrice daily as me and Barry toil at the printing presses making pamphlets to spread the truth. Please don't forget to subscribe to our RSS and instant text messaging alerts so you can get breaking Tucker Max news as it happens.

"have fun living with yourself knowing that you might be the biggest tool box on youtube. Enjoy the pathetic excuse you have of a life you sad little hypocrite. "

I'm definitely the biggest toolbox on Youtube, but I used to be second to a video of some guy choking out a colleague on the set of a film whilst a small-handed, lispy fuckstick videotaped it. Lucky for me that video got taken down, so now the title is mine!!

Judging from the grammar and idiocy displayed, a lot of Tucker's fans are young teenagers and probably won't be able to get in to see IHTSBIH if it gets R-rated. Kind of makes their relentless fanboy'ing all the more hilarious.

This comment was left on one of my most recent posts, in regards to how many people attend Tucker Max book signings:

Hello, I know this is a bit late, but I noticed you asked questions about his book signing. http://to-be-revised.blogspot.com/2009/01/gg-draft-2.html This is just the rough draft of an account of his book signing in Chicago.I hoped it came off as, for the most part, impartial. I'm kind of a sickeningly positive person though... so if you want just the gist of it. The turn out was huge. I would say it was close to four hundred who came in all, if not more. I'm really not exaggerating. Even after he left some people still came in and that was around 9.45 pm.Hope that helps.

Sadly that link is down at the moment. If the report is true that's a pretty impressive turnout. Tucker Max as a piece of pop culture seems to slowly be coming more into the mainstream.

I was sitting in a bar with a few friends not too long ago, when one guy (a journalism major, really cool guy) turns to me and asks if I've heard of Tucker Max. I tell him I know about him and I've read the book. He tells me about the movie coming soon and about the new book which will be even funnier than the first. I tell him I think a lot of Tucker's stories are bullshit, and he replies so quickly "Yeah! Of course!! They're hugely embellished. He's full of shit"

"Then why do you read them?" I asked.

"Because they're entertaining."

I couldn't help roll my eyes. Even Tucker's fans know his stories are bullshit. But it seems that one small fact isn't stopping him from becoming popular.

Why do I even bother?