Monday, November 9, 2009

Just for posterity's sake..




lol.



From tuckermaxdoucebag:

"Here's a Tucker Max story you haven't heard of yet, and this goes back a few years when his book was just published and started making money.

I worked as a literary agent at the firm that signed Tucker. We basically deal with books about poker and gambling as well as male based literature. While I was not part of "Team Tucker" I was very good friends with the agent who represented him and got him his first book deal (when nobody else would touch him).

Tucker was pretty much a douche, but once the book started making money he became something else. He would have tantrums in the office of his agent that would permeate the rest of the floor. He would scream and shout how he was "being robbed" when we ran a legitimate operation. Facts of the matter are this, his agent GOT HIM THE DEAL. Tucker (somebody with a legal background, enough so to understand contract law) SIGNED THE DEAL.

As with any agency, all money that one of our clients earn goes through the agency before the writer is paid. This way the writer is guaranteed his money as they are backed by the agency and their legal/accounting leverage. This is STANDARD. This is the way how things are done. We take our percentage and cut the check.

Anyway, this did not work for Tucker Max. He accused the agency of stealing from him. The reason was because the publisher had taken a bit longer then we were told to send us the check. Tucker's agent assured him that it could be nothing further from the truth and he had nothing to worry about. These things happen more often than not, it's the nature of the business.

Of course this was not good enough for Tucker. He threw a huge tantrum in our offices and threatened pretty much every agent on the floor, saying "If I don't have my money by XXX date, I'm coming back here and beating you all with a bat". That's not exactly what he said, but it was about as close as you can get. This was a "professional" writer whom had just gotten his first book deal, and he was now accusing the people who got the deal of theft. The firm is a legit business enterprise, but this was not good enough. Tucker said he could do things better and cut the middle man (the agent) out of the equation.

Problem was, Tucker couldn't really get out of the contract and my firm has (and still is) receiving money from IHTSBIH. To clarify, he's not making that much per book. That's pretty standard of ANY FIRST TIME UNKNOWN AUTHOR. They make their money on the 2nd book and so on. I won't say how much he's making, but it's less than 1/2 of the .80 cents per copy that is being claimed in these forums.

Also, he never got anything remotely approaching 300,000 for his 2nd book. You might as well have told everybody that you could throw a football over them there mountains. His book, while MODESTLY successful, had nowhere near the amount of sales to warrant even close to 100K let alone 300K.

Hey TUcker, if you're reading this, it's Greg from your old agency. Fuck you bitch, I'm glad you failed."


More on this later. Do NOT email be about this, people.

402 comments:

1 – 200 of 402   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

Wow. Your life is so sad and empty that, even after he's failed, you continue to pile it on? Now you're just being a sore winner. Shut the fuck up already.

Anonymous said...

Tucker DESERVES to be shit on.

He is the new Dimeo.

He is the new Twinkietoez.

He is the new Reaper.

He is the new Couldstarchaser.

Fuck Tucker.

Fuck that fucking asshole.

And Nils is fat.

Light said...

lol @ the 9:46 fuckstick

You posted your message within an hour of me making the post. Seems like I'm not the only one thinking about Tucker.

And you're telling me to shut the fuck up even though you're the one actively visiting an anti-Tucker Max site to see what I have to say? What the fuck do you want me to post now that Tucker's failed and fallen off the map? Are you expecting me to start posting cooking recipes and for Barry Bater to start sharing his needlework secrets (how does he get such perfect cross-stitching on evenweave fabrics? do NOT email him about this), because if you are then maybe you should stop visiting a site called Fuck Tucker Max.

Yes yes, it must suck to have your hero torn apart all the time, but keep your head up kid - Rudius is going to rise from the ashes stronger than ever. (Rudius Fitness Centres, Rudius Hairdressing Salons, Rudius Hottub and Jacuzzi Installation)

Thanks for caring so much about what I do with my free time though, I barely get to see my partner anymore I'm so busy with finals. It's nice that you're looking out for me too :)

Anonymous said...

This is not to disparage anybody, but can you look at the way Tucker is standing in that photo and tell me that he doesn't look slightly effeminate at the very least? The posture, the hand on the hip. Come on, you can go to any gay bar anywhere and you will see at least 20% of the gay guys standing like that.

Anonymous said...

Are you saying Tucker would be the first one to drop the soap in a prison shower, or are you trying to say that Nils is fat?

Barry Bater said...

Good post, Light. We need this perpetual reminder of Tucker's douchebaggery and dishonesty.

May the hatred live on for all eternity! I suppose that what I'm really trying to say here is that Nils is really, really fat, and Tucker's really short. More on this later- do NOT email me about this people. Trust me.

Anonymous said...

Butt Tucker Failed. Those who invested in this crap-fest failed. Nils failed (and is fat). Rudius failed.

I got banned from the forum because I called out that tiny-handed, short-trunked 5'9" butt-scrape on all the claims he made: "Gonna remake how movies are made." "Gonna make 20-200 million" So I got banned.

And now it's shut down? That is priceless, priceless, priceless.

No investor will ever touch this liar with a ten foot pole from now on. His "career" will forever be nothing. Just like he is. hahahahha. Lovin' it!

Anonymous said...

@1:27am.
That is so typical of the rudius team. They just ban people who challenge their point of view or upset their Führer.

Anonymous said...

Jesus Christ, just when you think Tucker couldn't possibly be even more pathetic... Seriously? A briefcase or a cushion or some shit to stand on so you'll look taller? What a pussy, douchebag thing to do.

Fuck you, Tucker. I hope you contract noma pudendi, you worthless waste of flesh.

Everything about you is a lie.

Anonymous said...

Mark my words: Assholes Finish First will have another publication delay by the summer of 2010, and then just quietly disappear.

Tucker is a crappy writer with a tiny fan base. Who in the hell wants to read a Hollywood "tell all" about a movie that grossed $1.4 million, was filmed in Shreveport, and featured no-name actors?


-Grant Graham

Anonymous said...

the doucebag blog is down.

Anyhow, 12% of men are taller than 6'. Women over 6' are a rounding error. Look through tugger's tour photos sometime (if you can stomach it). Far more than 12% of his fans (lazy eye chinese guy, frail dork, fat loud girl, and pillsbury commando) are taller than him. Girls too, even when they're not in heels.

Thing is, nobody gives a shit how tall he, but he's lying about it anyhow.

Anonymous said...

predicting 20-200 millions leaves a lot of room for error, like a -11 million error, for example

Anonymous said...

The lame thing about the whole height thing is that no one would have given a shit about him not being 6' feet if he had not mentioned it and then went on to doctor photos.

Anonymous said...

bX-t14bci!

Anonymous said...

I brought down your precious douchebag blog fuckers.

Eat that.

I win!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, that'll show us. I'm such a failure, I have nothing else to live for but bringing down a blog about a has been. WOW! That's revolutionary.

Anonymous said...

A new documentary about TMDouchebag.

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/5692613/

Anonymous said...

the tmd blog may be down and perhaps forever but we can continue the hate here.

I will never forget when I signed on to his message board to find out his take on the O&A beatdown. I searched and searched and didn't find anything. Then I posted a question about it and my post was deleted. When I asked again I was banned.

Anonymous said...

Griffin Writes is not working.

Charlie "Doctor of Marketing" Hoehn refuses to explain his complete failure.

Anonymous said...

I saw this astro-turfing douchebag today. A few more "trust mes" and "awesomes" and he could be one of tugger's alleged emailers....


Walking down the main corridor of the mall I saw a huge white banner that read “Microsoft Store – Now Open”. I guess I have been disconnected from the platform for quite a while because I did not even realize that Microsoft had store but I have heard so many great things about Windows 7 I just had to check it out. I half expected the store to be a bland uninspiring cheap knockoff of an Apple Store, but WOW was I in for a surprise.

From the moment you first step through the door you can feel it, something is special, something is electric in the air. So many smiling faces, so many people engaged and fully committed to the experience and NO I am not just taking about the employees the nearly sixty shoppers in the store were having a riveting experience interacting with what is clearly the future.

...

I was absolutely floored by this experience, Microsoft has made a bold move to capture new market share. I ordered a copy of Windows 7 Ultimate edition – I have been a hard core Mac person for the past five years, I completely bypassed the Windows Vista experience but something is telling me that I am at a precipice looking directly into the future. Oh, and I just canceled my order for the 27inch iMac quad, I need a little time to think it over.
Its easy to see that Microsoft primarily is a software company committed to changing the world through technical innovation and that Apple is a hardware company that is changing the world through design innovations. They need each other to push the limits of their own visions.


Anonymous said...

Can someone re-post the ApaccoLisp Now Tucker Max story here?

Anonymous said...

Did anyone notice that Nils is really fat?

Anonymous said...

Come on now, Nilsy isn't fat, he is just "big boned".

I actually feel kinda bad for corpulent Nilsy, it must suck to drop out of law school to cowrite what may be considered the worst screenplay to ever make it to the big screen and then have absolutely nothing to show for it.

I stand corrected, the screenplay for the movie "Yor" is worse.

I will only post this once said...

Why do you guys hate Tucker?

He's so comical ... Look at him! He's standing on a briefcase, trying to look 6 feet tall, even though he's not.

Look at him! ECCE HOMO!

Look at him! Look at him doing the most stupid things anyone can do! Look at his movie! Look at his humour! Look at how hard he tries to be cool but fails miserably, because he tries too much.

Tucker! You try too much! TUCKER! Stop trying so hard! It's like sweeping with a broom. For success, don't apply pressure.

Anonymous said...

Hey guys!

Does anyone know when tucker will tell us about his revolutionary marketing plan? I mean, he promised he would, but he still hasn't mentioned it on his message board or on the movie blog. Maybe he's saving for a book?

Just wondering!

Anonymous said...

why is the other board shut down. fix this shit now.

Anonymous said...

@10:28

because

no

Anonymous said...

Praise McCoyMountain, comrades! Glorious people's hero of the revolution!

Anonymous said...

rudius is officially dead.

Anonymous said...

the trixie's blog doesn't work :-(

Anonymous said...

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon shattered the midnight opening record, raking in an estimated $26.27 million at 3,514 sites showing the movie starting at 12:01 a.m. Friday. "

That was for ONE SHOWING of ONE MOVIE.

So what I'm trying to say is that it's just like IHTSBIH and Nils is fat.

Anonymous said...

I am confused. Is Nils really a fucking fat ass? Or is that just a clever dig since Tucker always makes fun of fat people.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max said one year ago this week:

"This is great news because the similarities between Twilight and Beer in Hell are definitely going to help us with distributor negotiations and other things like that. Hollywood is all about imitating success, and this success is coming at a great time for my movie. I can easily see us doing Twilight numbers."

Happening this very weekend:

"Ticket sales from the 25 foreign countries where "New Moon" is opening this weekend will almost certainly push the worldwide weekend gross to more than $150 million."

Once again America dropped the ball and didn't get it. Asshole Americans and their stupid critics and citizens and shit.

Anonymous said...

Is Tucker stupid or just untalented?

Anonymous said...

Why does tucker have so many pictures of his "ex's" on his site? Is it because he has so many treasured and special memories that he just wants to keep them forever so his heart will always remember with warmth and affection the many many hours of shared dreams and special moments with them?
Or is it because he is so damaged and has such crippling selfesteme issues that he needs to prove to everyone that he can so get a girl!
Look at me! Look at Me! look at Me! I made a poopie!

Anonymous said...

I think he likes midgets so much because they make him feel taller.

Anonymous said...

"I am confused. Is Nils really a fucking fat ass?"

It's a running joke. Also, Nils is fat.

Anonymous said...

Also, Nils can't run, because he's fat.

Anonymous said...

I am still confused.

I mean... how fat can one man be? Can he really be THAT fat. Is he really a HUGE fucking fat ass? Can he actually close down Chinese food buffets?

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max deserves to be raped.

Anonymous said...

Tucker deserve to be fucked up the ass by a lesbian behind a tranny bar wearing a strap on stainless steel dildo with little tire rippers welded to it.

Then he deserves to bleed to death from the anal tearing the fucking will cause.

Oh... and Nils is fat.

Anonymous said...

The Interview

Q1:At what point did you think these stories you were writing might work as a movie?

I thought it long before the book. The site went up in September 2002. Hollywood came calling in May of ‘03. Then we went down the TV route two different times, once with FOX and once with Comedy Central. And neither time we could get creative control in any substantive way. They were going to f*ck it up the both times, so I gave the money back and took the rights back. And the only way we could do it the way we wanted to do it was to do it as a movie, not a TV show. So the movie’s the way we went.

Q2:Was it hard to decide which stories would go into the movie?

Nah, not really. I pretty much knew. It’s not that it was hard necessarily for a movie, [but] it would’ve been easier for TV. Because with TV there’s a longer narrative, and TV’s more like short stories. So there’s less rules with TV; you can make it a little bit different. [With] movies, the medium has more constraints, so it was just about what stories are the most cinematic and the best resolution. So, the pretty obvious one was the Austin road trip story and we knew that the hotel sh*t scene would be, like, epic, so we built it around that. We built the story and then put in the best stuff that fits it.

Q3:Were there any stories you wished could've made it in there that didn't?

Of course, dude. Obviously I’d love to shoot the butt sex story, I’d love to shoot the Vegas story. There’s a ton of stuff, but you’ve got to pick. It’s always better to have too much material than not enough. But, I mean, we’ve got to put those in sequels if we do them.

Q4:How likely do you think a sequel is at this point?

I mean, if the DVD does well, very likely. I think the DVD’s going to do great.

Q5:Obviously the movie hasn’t done as well as you’d hoped though…

[laughs] The movie couldn’t have been marketed a whole lot worse. I mean, no one saw more reaction than me, and no one knows better than me what people think of the movie. I would’ve known long before it came out if it sucked, I would’ve known if people didn’t respond well to it, and that’s just not what happened, which makes the marketing all the more annoying. Because if it had sucked, no big deal, at least not many people saw it… [laughs] But when you make a good movie, and it gets marketed like sh*t, then it’s just so aggravating.

[sighs] I mean, it certainly happened with the book too. It took a while for the book to really get moving, so I think it’s going to be the same thing with the DVD. Most really good comedies do that. I mean, there aren’t a whole lot of great iconic comedies that were hits out of the box. Ask people what’s their favorite comedy -- what are they? Office Space, The Big Lebowski, Caddyshack… None of those were really hits out of the box. I don’t think Caddyshack did… it didn’t do very well theatrically, did it? Animal House did good theatrically, but I think Caddyshack actually did pretty sh*tty theatrically. [Note: It made almost $40 million in 1980.] So I’m not really worried about it. I mean, what we did was so different and so new, it’s just one of those things…

Anonymous said...

Q6:What specifically did you think could’ve been done better?

Marketing wise? Well dude, you understand how movie marketing works. You cover movies, so you should know as well as anyone that theatrical success is predominantly two variables: who the distributor is and how much money they spend. So we had an independent [distributor]… self-distributing really, because [Freestyle] Releasing -- they’re not a distributor -- they just book theaters. And our P&A [Print and Advertising budget] was, like, $3 million. [laughs] Like, that’s not even enough to buy cable ads for most movies. I honestly thought, we can still do it, we can still beat it. I mean, clearly we couldn’t…

It’s not even like what was one thing done wrong, there’s just no way to succeed. Especially, the big problem we had (and this was as much my fault as anyone else’s): If you’re going to open a small movie like that, and you’ve got no money to promote it, the worst thing you can do is spread yourself thin -- and that’s what we did. We opened in, like, 100 cities, like, 125 screens. So it’s like… [sighs] It’s just so stupid. Because we opened [in] one theater in Charlotte, but no one had any idea in Charlotte it was coming out because we didn’t have an advertising budget. There were reasons we did it that way which… whatever. Why we did it and the politics behind it are irrelevant; it was just the wrong strategy.

The much better strategy would’ve been to start in one city, like what most movies do, like most small independent movies, even ones that studios release, like Slumdog Millionaire, Paranormal Activity or Juno. Like, you start in one area and you blanket that area, and then you expand from there. I don’t know how much different it would’ve been; maybe it wouldn’t have been different, who knows? But it definitely would’ve been smarter. It may not have worked, but it would’ve been smarter. But whatever, dude, I mean that’s part of life -- learning lessons.

Q7:So in hindsight, do you wish you had gone with a bigger distributor?

No, not at all. Clearly, the strategy would’ve been different. I want $20 million dollars in my P&A account. But given the facts that we have, given the constraints I was operating under, and we were operating under, the only thing I really would’ve done differently is I would’ve done a different release strategy. I would’ve gone much much smaller, pick one city, probably New York.

We had a $10,000 or $15,000 per screen average in New York City. It did great! Then, like, Tempe, $10,000. Then we open it up in a place like Carbondale, and I’m like: "Why are you guys opening in Carbondale? Oh, it’s Southern Illinois -- they like you.” They just don’t know the f*cking movies! They don’t get first-run movies, so of course it has, like, a $500 per screen average there and it looks like… F*ck, dude, it was so frustrating on so many levels. [sighs] That’s something I would’ve done different.

Look, here’s what people who don’t create don’t understand, is that once you take money from the machine, the machine owns you. And I was just never ever going to let that happen. I’m not saying I’m so much better than everyone because I did an indie movie. I hate people like that -- they’re stupid. There are some movies that should be done by studios. Transformers would suck as an indie movie. I don’t even care if you put $100 million dollars into it; it would still suck. That movie is designed to be made by a huge dollar-manufacturing studio; this movie was not. This movie, if we had sold it to [FOX] Searchlight, they would’ve put Seth Rogen and Dane Cook in it, and they would’ve cut all the f*cking balls out of the jokes, and they would’ve brought in some sh*t bird to rewrite the script who would’ve had Tucker have a girlfriend and this and that, and then it’s like they own everything, they may have fired me… I would’ve stabbed somebody if they had done that. They would’ve fired me off the movie because they own it -- I don’t own sh*t anymore, but then I’m the one who has to live with all their creative decisions.

Anonymous said...

Q8:Because your name’s attached to it?

Exactly, because it’s my name as the character. And it doesn’t matter how much you yell from the f*cking rooftops that this isn’t the script I wrote, and these aren’t blah, blah, blah -- it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t f*cking matter. I mean, Darko [Entertainment] gave us all the creative freedom we could’ve ever wanted with the budget we had, but once the movie was done, they made a lot of decisions distribution-wise that I would not have made. A lot of things.

But even things like, “Well, why isn’t the movie in this city?” People don’t bitch at [producer] Sean McKittrick. No one knows who the f*ck they are; they all bitch at me. Which is, like, fine, if I’m in control… It’s sort of like sports. It’s like, you know what, if I’m gonna get the blame, then put the f*cking ball in my hands and let me take the shot. If I miss it then I’ll eat all the sh*t in the world -- no problem, I missed the shot. But don’t make me pass and then I have to f*cking suffer the consequences of what your shot does. And that’s what you are in a studio system times 100. Because you’re sitting up in the stands, you don’t even affect the game at all. Once you sell them the script, they don’t give a f*ck about you, they don’t listen to you, they don’t do anything. And so I would rather fail doing it my way than succeed in that system.

Q9:So how much control did you actually have on set?

Everything, everything. Nils Parker and I wrote the script, and when I say me, it’s like him and me. We were full partners in everything. We wrote the script, we attached directors, we cast the movie, we picked the financiers, everything… We were full producers, not like ordering lattes and hitting on extras producers. Nils and I were right there with [director Bob] Gosse, like, "OK, how do we block this scene. We need to do it this way because the characters are x, y, z," -- whatever.

What about picking locations, everything. You know, tons of sh*t. I’m like, let’s just shoot the f*cking scene, and they’re like, "No, asshole, it takes two hours to light it." And I’m like, "Oh really, OK." Clearly, I don’t know how to light the scene or whatever, but in terms of what went on screen, Nils and I knew what it had to look like, and what it should look like, and we were right there with everyone making those creative decisions. And then the movie people know how to, like, if you want this result, here’s what we have to do to get it. I don’t know how to make fake poop; I’m not a prop guy. Those guys did all their jobs really well, but in terms of the creative decisions, yeah, we did everything.

Q10:Are there any lessons you learned from this that you want to bring to a possible sequel, beyond maybe distribution strategy?

[laughs] So many lessons... I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I mean, that could be a whole book. The big, big lesson, the big thing I learned, everything I’ve done in my life prior to this basically creatively was on my own. And even though Nils and I were very much in charge creatively -- I mean, Darko could not have been better in terms of being willing to do what we asked them to do creatively -- it’s still a collaborative process. Because the actors are doing it, not me, and the director’s directing it, not me, and the cinematographer’s lighting it, and whatever, and so even if they do exactly what I say, you still have to collaborate to be able to make them understand what your vision is and why that’s the right way to do it as opposed to their way.

You have to know when they come in with their ideas that are different than yours and they’re better, which happened more than a few times. You have to know, OK, he’s right and I’m wrong. You have to know when to hold on, and when not to hold on. When to push your decision and when to back off and let them have their way, etc, etc. And, dude, I had no idea how hard that was and how important that was on the movie. That’s the big lesson I learned -- that collaboration was necessary, and kind of how to do it.

Anonymous said...

Q11:So what’s next for you? I know you have another book coming out soon.

Another book, Assholes Finish First is coming out next year and then English release [of the film] is New Year's -- UK release. Those are the next two big things.

Anonymous said...

[Note: It made almost $40 million in 1980.]

Hahahaha! Who did this interview? That's hilarious.

Also, we spent years hearing how revolutionary the marketing would be, and now we're told that it sucked.

Anonymous said...

Found it- the comments are great

http://www.askmen.com/celebs/interview_300/365_tucker-max-interview.html

Gawker's on it too:

http://gawker.com/5409975/whos-tucker-max-blaming-for-his-movies-failure-now

Anonymous said...

Nils can run, but his legs rub together when he does.

Anonymous said...

Are you saying Nils is fat?

Anonymous said...

seems that tucky-tuck-tuck isn't a team player. boy didn't see that one coming.

Anonymous said...

From askmen interview:


"...Office Space, The Big Lebowski, Caddyshack… None of those were really hits out of the box. I don’t think Caddyshack did… it didn’t do very well theatrically, did it? Animal House did good theatrically, but I think Caddyshack actually did pretty sh*tty theatrically.

[Note: It made almost $40 million in 1980. ($39,846,344) http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=caddyshack.htm]

Ticket prices adjusted for inflation (http://boxofficemojo.com/about/adjuster.htm)


1980 average ticket price $2.69 / 14,869,888 tickets sold for Caddyshack

2009 average ticket price $7.19 / (14,869,888 x $7.19)

Caddyshack grossed $106,914,498! So yeah, mister Hollywood, it did pretty shitty.

Anonymous said...

Cluck Fucker Tax

Anonymous said...

From the askmen.com comments section:

"i saw this movie. this is the worst movie ever in the history of the universe. it just failed in every way. it wasn't funny, interesting, or enjoyable for one minute. this is tucker's vanity project, plain and simple. if tucker had full creative control of this, the lesson learned is that he shouldnt even be trusted to have creative control over making a hamburger, let alone anything substantial."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Anonymous said...

Is Tucker a "has-been" or a "never-was"?

Tucker said...

Thanks man you are really cool, bitch

Anonymous said...

Oh, this is cute. The doucebagblog thread has gone up by about 4000 posts since yesterday or so. It was at 15K-ish, now it's up to 19973.

Somebody is a busy little beaver.

Anonymous said...

Aaand there's a new error message, can't even post blindly anymore.

4000-post guy, I salute your dedication to crashing blogspot.

Anonymous said...

I want the douche blog back. how are you even viewing it. I just get an error message when i go there. It was the best garbage bin on the web for tugger hating.

Anonymous said...

Weird, it's back down to 15684. Blogger must be tinkering.

Anonymous said...

3:52, just go to page 1:

https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?postID=117436504077523328&blogID=21127102&isPopup=false&page=1

It displays fine up to some point in the middle. It's only the later posts that are munged.

Anonymous said...

Nuck Ducker Hax

Anonymous said...

Not to be missed, Tucker claims to be rich:

http://kentuckysportsradio.com/?p=35526

Anonymous said...

Hey, guys... for what it's worth, you can still see the new comments at the old doucebag blog by going here:

http://tuckermaxfaildouchebag-shutdown.blogspot.com/

It looks like the only new postings in the last few days are gibberish, and people whining about how the blog is broken.

Here's hoping Blogger fixes it soon- though, really, isn't the breakdown of the old warhorse just further proof that Tucker's time is up?

Anonymous said...

That's crazy, man. I don't know why Tucker's so hung up on his height (it seems to be a running joke with him), but in his defense, I might have an explanation for this photo. Since he wanted his posture to look "slouchy" in the photo, but still hit the 6' mark, he had to stand on something. If he stood up straight, he'd be 6', but also look like his rectum was being shocked. I've met him, and he looks about 6'. Look at how far apart his feet are. Don't be tards.

Anonymous said...

Nah, he's totally 5'4. I mean 4'8. I mean, he's a midget. A midget! No wonder he wants to screw midgets! He's trying to propagate his species. It's just instinct. Don't hate him cuz he wants to propagate. Recreate. Whatever.

Anonymous said...

Don't be tards?

Are you kidding?

Tucker is the biggest fucking douchebag to ever populate the fucking internet.

Fuck Tucker and fuck you, his douchebag follower.

His movie, like you... a big fail.

Anonymous said...

His feet aren't far enough apart to make a difference, and the photo was from the lower rib cage as a base. It wouldn't even take a half inch away from his height if he slouched. The cushion adds well over 2 inches, likely a shade under 3 inches. Look at the back of the cushion and compare it to his sneakers. That's how you can approximate the elevation.

I'd guess Tucker's about 5'9" which is fairly average for the American male. Any slouch in the posture is probably to compensate for the cushion being so high, per the photographer's instruction..

Anonymous said...

The Tucker height issue only further confirms one thing about him. He is a huge liar in addition to being a douchebag.

And Nils is fat. May that huge fat ass rest in peace.

Anonymous said...

We get it... Ok, we really get it.

Nils is one big huge fucking fat cunt.

Everyone KNOWS that by now.

Enough with the Nils is fat shit.

That fat fucker has suffered enough with his diabetes and what not.

Anonymous said...

Nils and I went to look at planes this week. Dan at BlueStar jets picked us up and gave us a tour of their company. Five star treatment all the way, even flying us in a new Beech Jet 400A which seats 8 people comfortably. Rudius Air is now a real possibility.

One of Dan's partner's at BlueStar actually played college ball under Bobby Knight. The fact that he was impressed by me was staggering in light of his achievements both academically and in college sports. He knew of me because his daughter is a fan of my book. This brings up another demographic that few of the ardent critics care to admit; my readership is pretty much split 50/50, male/female. That is a huge factor for the domestic box office. More about that later.

Anonymous said...

Wait, Rudius Air is a possibility because you conned an aviation company into giving you a tour and taking you for a ride in a plane?

Are you really that stupid Tucker or legally retarded? Or is it both?

Anonymous said...

Just a couple of quotes to ponder this holiday season:

"Just received the mission statement for specific digital strategy for the film from Carrot Creative head Mike Germano. This is going to be huge. Bigger than Blair Witch; more effective than Snakes on a Plane."

wait, huh ? Did I miss something here?

"On September 25th the rules in Hollywood will be tossed aside as a new way of film distribution rolls out. And no one will see it coming."

No, the rules of Hollywood didn't change. You didn't market your movie and your movie sucked. You need to have one or the other.

Anonymous said...

i went to the premier in blacksburg and say whatever you want about the guy, but it just doesn't matter. He's young, rich, and has the hottest girls throw themselves at him like you wouldn't believe. He got rich by getting drunk and having sex with hot women.....envy anyone?

Anonymous said...

People pick on Tucker because he is an deluded asshole, not because he is able to get chicks in the sack.

Rollory said...

So since douceblog is down and I couldn't poast there I finally finished Jedi Knight 2: Jedi Outcast, and I wanna talk about it. First, mostly the level design is pretty good. It feels StarWarsy. The Imperial stuff especially, this is what it should look like as we see more of it, if Lucas had done the smart thing and not short-circuited the series at #6.

The lightsaber controls are just horrible though. You eventually get three styles to use, but the first default one is this werid thing where you click to attack and he starts this big complicated waving of the saber around, moving it to the right or left and then behind and swirling it around and swinging it and it's all very cool looking but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST JUST STAB THE GUY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU WHO'S SHOOTING YOU IN THE FACE ALREADY. You can't do that. It won't let you do that. It wants to wave the lasersword around behind your own head because it looks so cool. Ok, eventually you get a style upgrade that lets you do short repetitive slashes directly in front, which is the only style to use, really, but why couldn't they put that in right from the start?

The level design, although it LOOKS right, in actually the very first mission is the only one that actually makes any sense. After that, you keep encountering situations where you're, for example, dodging your way through a gigantic power reactor chamber with a spinning horizontal energized cylinder and jumping from bracket to bracket and running along pipes and dodging through gaps in the columns and then finally there's a ledge and a door, and you dodge through into the hallway and there's a couple storm troopers and you FZZZZM ZAP and move on, out the door onto another ledge overlooking some kind of energized ultracapacitor battery array that only a Jedi could jump across and you think to yourself, wait a minute, HOW THE HELL DID THOSE TWO GET IN THERE? And why can't I use the same way to get out?

Then there's the jumping puzzles. The number of times it puts you in a place where you've got these humongous boxes and columns and things suspended in a bottomless void and you have to jump around from one to the other - it really gets tiring. On board the big ship, where you're messing with the comm array power reactor - who designs a power system this way? Cubes suspended in midair and you have to jump down and up and down and sideways and around just to activate control panels? What is this? And how did those two imperial techs get down to the middle level when there's no elevators or ladders or anything? And the floating platform in the space station: you've got this immense cylindrical chamber with a column in the middle and you have to get around to the opposite wall of the chamber. There's this floating platform with a control panel, and a series of C-shaped brackets jutting out of the wall leading from the platform around to the exit on the other side. So I thought, ok, cool, the designers are being nice for once. I get on the platform and activate it. A third of the way around, a couple of rocket launcher troopers run out the exit door and start blasting the brackets. Soon enough the platform is tipping, falling, and it's yet another plunge into interminable darkness. Ok, this is a stupid sniper game? Fine, fine.

Rollory said...

Reload multiple times, try to snipe them before they can hit the brackets. No can do. Even on 400% Force-boosted time acceleration, you cannot even see the second guy before he gets off a rocket and blows away a bracket. So it's this crazy stupid idea of jumping off the collapsing platform and running/jumping along the tops of the brackets around the edge of the bottomless pit to get to the exit while dodging rocket launcher missile explosions trying to knock you off into said pit and this is clearly some dunderhead designer's idea of a cool cinematic moment but OH SWEET JESUS KILL ME NOW. It's nearly as bad as the earlier moment with the droid you need to open the doors: you activate him, he opens a door, moves through, opens another door, goes on to open the last door - oh but this is a cool cinematic moment, it's a balcony pathway and there's a dozen laser-tripwire mines and two of them is enough to kill your droid and WAIT THERE'S MORE there's like five snipers on the ledge across the chasm and they all get off deadeye shots on you the moment you round the corner and the dumbass droid is charging ahead into the laser tripwires and you can't stop him and the snipers are nailing you and you're trying to shoot the mines before the idiot droid but you're too slow and OH GOD HAVE MERCY WHY WHY WHYYYYY.

So you tell the designers to go fuck themselves, turn on god mode, run through the tripwires, and stand there thumbing your nose at the snipers rather than wasting ammo on them.

Which leads us quite naturally into discussion of the fights with the various dark jedi. Who do backflips off the walls. Then they do some more backflips, and maybe a backflip, and after a backflip off a wall or two they're ready to finish up with some really energetic BACKFLIPS OFF THE WALLS. Oh, and they do about three lightsaber maneuvers in the time it takes you to do one. Well, after practice with the atrocious control of the lightsaber, I got good enough at it to be able to actually fight the lesser types - it IS possible to out maneuver them, and it's satisfying to pull it off, but getting them to cut out the backflips - urgh. Then there's the guys who go invisible, so you can only see them by their saber. Lemme tell you: these guys were created EXPRESSLY on the premise that THE GAME DOES NOT HAVE ENOUGH WALL-BACKFLIPS YET. More, more, MORE!!!!!!

Sometimes you can get lucky and Force-speed in right as they're starting to swing their lightsaber and stab 'em in the chest. Other times you can back 'em up against a wall and just keep hammering away. Other times you just have to get lucky. But far far more often they'll be doing backflips off the walls. Yeah, god mode time.

The Force powers are fun and work the way they should. You can do cool things with them. Running around waving a lightsaber is fun. Entering a room at Force speed and systematically murdering half a dozen stormtroopers in a row is really really cool. And like I said at the start, the levels LOOK right. There's lots of things in this game that are cool. Those things should be in a better game.

Anonymous said...

God I finally got around to reading the script that was leaked.

It was awful. I mean God awful.

I know it was version 7.0 but it had much of the same shit in it. Pun intended.

I was thinking about watching the movie in the "gee this may be so bad that its enjoyable like 'Robot Monsters' or some such.

But its just not funny. I am glad that I wasted the time reading the script instead of watching the movie.

Anonymous said...

@10:17 AM:

I think you may need another hobby, trying to see the logic in video games is like trying to see the humor in tucky's movie.

Anonymous said...

Was Tucker really ass raped behind a tranny bar by a feminist lesbian?

Source?

Anonymous said...

"Nils and I went to look at planes this week. Dan at BlueStar jets picked us up and gave us a tour of their company. Five star treatment all the way, even flying us in a new Beech Jet 400A which seats 8 people comfortably. Rudius Air is now a real possibility.

One of Dan's partner's at BlueStar actually played college ball under Bobby Knight. "

So Tucker met a sales guy, because "Dan" certainly isn't Todd Rome or Rick Sitomer, who are the actual owners of Blue Star Jets. Blue Star is a charter airline catering to the NYC to the Hamptons crowd.

Why Tucker made it out that their sales guy "Dan" was a partner (which is why he spoke about his partner who played college ball under Bobby Knight) is anybody's guess. I'm not calling Tucker a liar, let's just say he has a gift for fiction.

Anonymous said...

http://sipseystreetirregulars.blogspot.com/2009/11/absolved-chapter-seven-improvised.html

ahahahahahah tucker's been a busy little boy to fake that much REDACTED

Anonymous said...

a private jet does make sense for nils. after all, being forced to buy 2 seats on a normal plane due to obesity is just fiscally difficult and real embarrassing.

Anonymous said...

Nils may be a fat fucker, but he sure can eat.

Anonymous said...

What does this have to do with the hotness of Ukrainian girls?

Anonymous said...

I want the Trixie back :'(

Anonymous said...

Ryan Holiday stood at the white board with marker in hand. They needed buzz phrase. Something that would define the movement that is Tucker Max.

"Unapolasgeticallies Masscfalin"

Ryan wrote those two words on the boad and began to sob. Everyone hugged.

Here is how it played out in action..

http://jezebel.com/5371090/tucker-max-unapologetically-masculine-irredeemably-boring

Anonymous said...

I wonder if tucky has anything to be thankful for this year?

Is Nilsy thankful for all you can eat buffets ?

Is Darko thankful for ever agreeing to make a movie with tucks and the nils?

Are the actors from the movie thankful so have their names associated with such a piece of crap?

I for one am thankful that people are finally seeing thru tuckys lies, half truths, and exaggerations and realize what a complete jackass he really is.

Anonymous said...

Recent tweet by fatboy:

"At Street on Highland in Los Angeles. They have a kale & white bean spread w/anchovy & olive bread that's so good it could get you pregnant."

That fat fuck doesn't have a food problem does he. Now he's hoping to get knocked up by an appetizer.

Anonymous said...

Are you saying that Nils is fat? That boy has been a fucking fat ass since he crammed dozens of cheese sandwiches into his pie hole at lunch time in kindergarten.

Anonymous said...

Who cares if nils is fat. It's his cunt that makes him different.

Anonymous said...

I agree. Nils is a dumb pussy.

Anonymous said...

Hey Tucker Max you idiot, you saw a bunch of audience reactions from an incredibly biased selection of people, your fans. Those are the only people who went to your premiere tour. They are predisposed to like your dumb movie. You lost more money then you made on that tour. And no one wanted to see your movie again.

Maybe one of the worst marketing strategies ever, and it didn't help that your movie was nothing special.

Anonymous said...

I swear on everything that is holy... If Tucker brings up the fact that he has so many women fanz as evidence that he is not a woman hater, I will choke him to death. By choke him to death, I mean that I will tell Nils he ate the last twinkie.

WOMEN CAN BE MISOGYNISTIC TOO.

Anonymous said...

The worst thing Tucker could have ever done did to damage his career and in so damaging his message of "Unapologetic Masculinity" beyond the success of his book and presence on the web Once he started to get into TV or Movies I knew that would be the end of Tucker Max. I knew there would be no way he could control the message of choking out your movie douche assistant for laughs. The real Web hould have and did so fing expose Tucker Max to be that of a not so really entertainment personell. He say he try to buck system every step of the way - but really he make excuse for all failings:

Sortof as :Casst:
This is a "groundbreaking" comedy - but yet no comedians in cast - no funny ad libs - no funny - Tucker cast DUDES that look and talk like Tucker and His Friends in the stories that are in his head. Kinda like A.A. Milne but instead of the Sling Blade character you get Eeyore.

Script: He and Nils revise it 7 or so times. Tucker say "I think Nils is one of the funniest mofos around" and Nils think I be my funny shit is the fuckin monkey's bananas. That this reaction Tucker thinks he has been gettin.

Movie: Is not very good.

Consumer Response: Not Very Good

Critical Response: Not Very Good

Synopsis: Nils is Fat

Anonymous said...

^^^^^^

That is some of the worst writing i've ever seen. Please attend Tucker's screenwriting school.

Anonymous said...

All I want for Chrifmaff iff my two front teef,
my two front teef,
my two front teef,
all I want for Chrifmaff iff my two front teef,
An' tuckmakfdoufbag dot com!

Anonymous said...

LOL at the guy above who is a worse writer than tucker. WTF? I have no idea what you were saying. i thought i was going crazy.

btw congrats to nils on the bun(s) in the oven. looks like he's carrying quintuplets! it's an exciting time.

Anonymous said...

Why did Nils let a loaf of bread fuck him?

That some fucked up shit right there.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing 11:50 is not a native English speaker. Or it's Griffin.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing 11:50 is not a native English speaker. Or it's Griffin.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, someone's been using Google Translate.

Anonymous said...

Recent Tweet:

"NilsAParker: I just learned from a CBS PSA that if I want to impress the woman in my life I should schedule her a pap smear. Merry Xmas honey, spread em!"

Wow Jennifer, You sure picked a winner with that fat fucker.

Anonymous said...

The tits of Nils Parker's wife:

Enjoy.

http://mypict.me/show.php?id=cyYD

Anonymous said...

The latest shitty writing from Fat Ass:

http://www.flipcollective.com/nils-parker/

Anonymous said...

@7:47 lol

saved for repoasting later after his wife screams at him and makes him take it down

Anonymous said...

IT'F A CONFPIRAFPY

Anonymous said...

Troy Duffy's Boondock Saint's II is doing well. Will recoup budget during theatrical run and show nice profit in dvd and all secondary markets.

Troy Duffy knows how write, produce, direct and obviously market a film franchise.

Well done Troy!

Anonymous said...

nils has elephantiasis of the belly

Anonymous said...

Nils has gigantism of the appetite. Tucker had gigantism of the douchebag gland.

Anonymous said...

I think Tucker might be Gay.

There was proof but Tucker swallowed it.

Do not email me about this people...

Anonymous said...

Hey Tucker, Robert Greene called... he was wondering how the 48 Laws of Power are working out?

Hey Tucker, the Bunny called... she was wondering if she could borrow a paper bag to put on her head?

Hey Tucker, Ryan Holiday called... he was wondering if you would mind if he ate the peanuts out of your shit?

Hey Tucker, Nils is on the phone... he is wondering what you want on the pizza?

Hey Tucker, Kung Fu Mike called... he was wondering if he is a famous author yet?

Hey Tucker, the guy who was in the closet video taping is on the phone... he has an eerie feeling that he doesn't exist.

 

Anonymous said...

http://www.oglaf.com/obituator.html

totally perverted and wrong

BUT HILARIOUS

Anonymous said...

I only just stumbled across this great article by Craig Davidson, which critiques Tucker Max's stories very very well. It's from 2006 but I wish I'd found this sooner!

http://www.penguinblogs.ca/davidson/archives/00000079.html

Anonymous said...

Awesome... the last post on the 'Beer in Hell' movie website was on October 30... so, no new posts in November, and no new posts for over a month. No updates on the movie's Canadian release, no updates on the DVD... awesome. Tucker must be too busy with 'Assholes Finish First', which he's been bragging for months is 'already finished'.

What a tool.

Anonymous said...

im just gonna go to ukraine now and see if them chicks are all that hot

Anonymous said...

"Nils Parker is a screenwriter currently working on his second feature."

Odds on this seeing the light of day in the next decade: nil.

Anonymous said...

It's sad that there's a website all about Tucker. I've dated him for a while (i.e. not just sleeping with him), he's actually a great guy for the most part. Don't we all have bad sides? Isn't that why his book is popular? Isn't that why y'all know about him?

Anonymous said...

"he's actually a great guy for the most part"

Did he threaten to get rid of your dog? I bet he just lost millions and millions of your dollars!

People don't laugh at Tucker because he's a jerk (though that doesn't hurt). They laugh because the way he failed so colossally is hilarious (see: quotabletuckermax.com), and because it was so easy to see coming.

Anonymous said...

http://charliehoehn.com/2009/11/29/looking-back-at-the-ihtsbih-tour-part-2-of-2/

Anonymous said...

The one thing Charlie missed in hi post game analysis of why the Tugger movie failed is the most obvious.

The film was a piece of shit.

Character development and story were so below average, no self respecting human being is going to sit through it. Well told stories require at few things, one of which is identification with at least one of the characters and hopefully the lead. Why would anyone identify with Tucker/Czuchry? Who has a goal of being a boorish shithead other than Tucker himself.

Not many. Nils being a fat fuckhead didn't help either.

Anonymous said...

This Charlie guy's writing reads like a 22 year old explaining how the "real world" works to a 17 year old. Only more delusional.

Anonymous said...

apparently some big news on the tugger/nils front:
http://www.flipcollective.com/2009/11/29/like-mother-like-father-by-nils-parker/

Anonymous said...

Tucker's movie made a grand total of 4000 dollars in Canada.

Out of the "hundreds of thousands of copies" he sold in Canada, only 4-500 people showed up to see his shitty movie. Of course it was the fault of marketing.

Anonymous said...

Tucker's Canadian Box Office is the perfect example of a Tucker Max Fail:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Tucker%20Max%20Fail

Anonymous said...

Holy shit; has anyone ever read Ryan Holiday's various Amazon reviews: http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A281YN2K4M72JQ/ref=cm_pdp_rev_all?ie=UTF8&sort_by=MostRecentReview

Not only is he an turgid hack of a writer but he manages mention - nay, shill for - Tucker Max/Robert Greene in every other review.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbKh5SN-Fb0

It's actually depressing, how unaware he is of the irony in this interview.

困っています。 said...

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Anonymous said...

12:18 ^^^

Bull. Shit.

Anonymous said...

Kudos to the kind soul who trolled the Nils entry at flipcollective. Never forgive, never forget.

Anonymous said...

Once the DVD is released and takes a thrashing on Amazon and on other comment sections around the interwebs, what will we have to look forward to then? That will pretty much be it and I suspect I for one will find it to be a bittersweet moment. As I reflect on this whole fiasco I find that one thing remains certain now as it has when it began; Nils is fat.

Anonymous said...

The funny thing is Tucker really is 6 feet tall. They haphazardly posted the height-lines poster on the wall without measuring it from the floor. They then realized that Tucker didn't measure up so they had to make up for it by padding it with a lot of fluff. Kinda like the movie but without as much quality.

Anonymous said...

^
Right, and you dated Tucker Max, despite being a 16 year old boy.

Anonymous said...

ESSENTIAL READS: I just found two great interviews of Tucker Max in its full splendor. The first one was done by bitterlawyer.com a month before the movie was released. A few quotes from the interview:

"Q: You’ve often said you standards have been minimal at several points in your life, so how about a round of Fuck, Marry, Kill with the following legal ladies: Hillary Clinton, Ann Coutler, Sonia Sotomayor?

A: Hillary Clinton: Kill it with fire!
Ann Coutler: Fuck, but only for the hilarious novelty of it.
Sonia Sotomayor: Marry. Someone has to do the laundry."

Racist and misogynist humor is so funny! The interview can be found here:

http://www.bitterlawyer.com/index.php/interviews/tucker_max_the_anti_lawyer/?entry_id=1265

The second interview was done by the Canadian version of askmen.com after his movie turned out to be a complete failure. Tucker is so utterly delusional in this one that it hurts. At no point Tucker thinks that his movie failed because it sucked. He instead blames almost everyone besides DrunkFatRex and himself and even envisions DVD success followed by a sequel and a widely successful release of Assholes Finish First.

The interview is here:

http://ca.askmen.com/celebs/interview_300/365_tucker-max-interview.html

There is so much material in this one that it should be deconstructed, but my real life does not leave me the time to do so. TDG I count on you.

The Original Deconstructor

Anonymous said...

From his donut story:

"4:46: I get out of the car. I am INSIDE of a donut shop. With the car. Shattered glass crunches under my feet as I investigate the damage. There are broken and fractured tables scattered all across the store....I have never driven a car into a store before."

From his FAQ:

"Second, what happened was that the car jumped the curb and backed into the glass front window and smashed it. It didn't really go fully into the store--if I implied that, I was wrong."

Wait, does he even read his own stories? He didn't imply shit, he wrote that he had "driven a car into a store".

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Anonymous said...

The DVD would have been such a great gag gift to give this Christmas. Too bad it won't be out until mid January. Another brilliant move in Tucker's game changing marketing plan.

Anonymous said...

http://www.flipcollective.com/2009/12/06/vic-and-the-fourth-class-part-one-by-nils-parker/

Ravish it until they require comment approval.

-Tuggers Ego

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Anonymous said...

Eat a bunch a dickety doo fuck wad.
Eat it.

Burb it.

It tastes lake liquefied shit balls and you love it

i kneed a tissue.

Eat a fuck!

Anonymous said...

^ @8:15pm : Hells yeah!

Yous a fat nigger pumpin straight shit

I hears ya !


I heR\S YA11!

Nils is fat.

Anonymous said...

N

Anonymous said...

I

Anonymous said...

S

Anonymous said...

F

Anonymous said...

F

Anonymous said...

Nils Is So Fuckin Fat

Anonymous said...

Poopity-doo shit wads! Tuckball is straight shit wadded.

Can't believe I'm still here/

*
- Captain James T. NilsisFat signing off!

Anonymous said...

I'm all up on beer and thinking 'bout tucker. I must be out my damn mind!

Nis is plump. AKA fat/

Anonymous said...

The thing about the donut store/car crash is that it was a fairly standard drunk driving incident (ignoring the questionable physics). But tugger threw a lot of bullshit on it and dressed it up to the point it was outrageous. And most of his criticism is from being a bullshit artist.

Anonymous said...

Posted by BarryBater: Hey, Nils, I was just wondering what your wife’s salary is? I’m only asking because your movie lost, like, 11 million bucks, and I’m wondering how you’re able to write stories on a website that doesn’t pay you anything- not to mention your snack-cake budget. Good God, that must be in the thousands, minimum. Your wife must be doing pretty well.

That's the best your hero can do? No wonder nothing on this site is worth reading. Retards.

Anonymous said...

Yeah... not everyone can make a shit movie that loses 10.5 million and fails to meet ANY of Tugger's prediction.

IHTSBiH is pure Tucker Max Fail.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Tucker%20Max%20Fail

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max Fail:

"Promising a groundbreaking innovative genre changing product; and then having to admit that nobody bought it, or was interested in it. An epic fail Characterized by constantly changing your story, denying that you said something you posted online only a few months before; and responding to substantive criticism by simply claiming that the critic is a loser."

Barry Bater said...

"That's the best your hero can do? No wonder nothing on this site is worth reading. Retards."

Then why are you here?

Anonymous said...

@mstakenring 2009 Douchebag of the Year: I vote Tucker Max! http://bit.ly/5sYlfz

Anonymous said...

Tucker is a huge douchebag.

But as he isn't really famous for anything beyond making one of the shittiest movies ever, I vote for Nils.

That fucker is fat.

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Anonymous said...

i'll tell you what's funny about tucker. he constantly blames the fact that all his untold millions of fans didn't know about the movie, and that's why it failed.

are you kidding me? umm... did Harry Potter fail? did Twilight fail? When was the last time you heard of a celebrity who had a legion of fans who didn't know what he was doing? tucker, you're small-time, not big-time. just face it. getting a NYT bestseller is nice, but it doesn't de facto make you some kind of huge mega-star. you're just not that big a deal. accept it, buddy.

Anonymous said...

>>>i'll tell you what's funny about tucker. he constantly blames the fact that all his untold millions of fans didn't know about the movie, and that's why it failed.


No kidding! He promoted it for HOW LOG on his crappy website??? He just can't accept the fact that the script SUCKED. I love how he lied and claimed the leaked script was an "early stage draft" but it was nearly exactly like the finished movie.

Anonymous said...

can anyone tell me how to read the new comments on the douchebag blog?

Anonymous said...

read comments here:

http://tuckermaxfaildouchebag-shutdown.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

12:10, I don't think anyone is able to see the new comments on the douchebag blog. I haven't paid attention, but I'm sure the number of posts has been the same for a while.

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ライブチャット said...

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スタービーチ said...

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Anonymous said...

Odd how the movie failed worse than even the projections of the people who really wanted it to fail. Can a large group of people generate a certain vibe or will something to fail?

Anonymous said...

The biggest reason for the failure of IHTSBiH is that is just wasn't very good as a film. The story and characters weren't unique, interesting, or identifying.

Not many people wanted to see a movie about a person who is a shithead in real life and a shithead on the screen.

Nils being fat didn't help either.

Anonymous said...

So after my super-sekrit trip to Ukrainian hotness land I flew back to JFK. The westward transatlantic flight is the long one, and the airline had various comedies lined up as movie entertainment. However, none - not one - of them were I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.

What's up with that, airline?

Airline said...

We're working on it, ok? We're WORKING on it. We just need a little more time, ok? This Tucker Max fellow, he's hot stuff, he's in high demand, he can ask for just about anything and he gets it, you know? Everybody wants to work with him. Getting permission to show his movie isn't simple. They're limiting the copies on purpose to drive up the price, y'see? This Tucker Max fellow, he's a revolutionary genius when it comes to film economics.

モテる度 said...

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Anonymous said...

When the DVD for "I Fucked a Midget and am the Colleth One of My Friends" comes out someone needs to bite the bullet and actually buy a copy. Then rip that bitch and torrent the hell out of it. Anything we can do to help Tugger "Tucker Max Fail" will be very important.

i still wanna poast moar about tucker said...

So.

Bixzivvofcy, is it?

Bixzivvofcy.

Anonymous said...

"When the DVD for "I Fucked a Midget and am the Colleth One of My Friends" comes out someone needs to bite the bullet and actually buy a copy."

Why? Just Netflix it.

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy that is all well in the Tucker Max universe. IHTSBIN hasn't been updated (what about your Canadian release Tuck!?), AFF probably won't be seeing the light of day, looks like Tucker is done for good.

I find it even more hilarious that NO ONE cam'd his shitty fucking movie. I've been looking everywhere for a torrent and it just doesn't exist. Yet almost every other indie film winds up on the torrent circuit. Guess his movie was so bad no one wanted to sit through the whole thing to record it.

Anonymous said...

According to DVD Planet, the movie is coming out on Jan. 26:

http://www.dvdplanet.com/details.cfm/info/FXD063516

It will retail for $17.44. I wonder how much of that Tucker will see. My guess is a whopping $0 since somebody is still owed $10.5 million on this miserable failure of a movie.

Anonymous said...

Probably he'll change his name to Darren Stevens and try for a career in low-budget porn

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Anonymous said...

The douchebag blog is back!!!

Anonymous said...

Troy Duffy's film will finish out December 2009 with $12,000,000 in domestic tickets sales. That's pre-foreign, cable, PPV, and DVD.

Troy did an excellent job in both writing and marketing his film. Kudos.

Anonymous said...

THREE CHEERS FOR THE RETURN OF THE DOUCEBLOG

スタービーチ said...

一時代を築いたスタービーチは閉鎖になりましたが、もう一度楽しい思いをしたい、もう一度出会いたいと思う有志により再度復活しました。本家以上に簡単に出会えて楽しい思いを約束します

Anonymous said...

Tucker thinks he is like Peter North when he gives his man-meat to the self-hating bitches. Peter North started off life in gay porn under the name of Matt Ramsey (both as top and bottom), so perhaps Tucker can use that as an alternative career now.

Anonymous said...

Guys, I got the new issue of Maxim yesterday and Tucker Max is listed as one of the biggest doucebags, I shit you not. It is just a small blurb about him and how his movie was a massive fail.

I wouldn't be surprised if the writer didn't google douchebag and his name came up.

I would say this calls for another success post.

Anonymous said...

"Probably he'll change his name to Darren Stevens and try for a career in low-budget porn"

I'm sure that he has neither a large enough penis nor the stamina and staying power to work in porn as anything other than a bottom.

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Anonymous said...

mostly offtopic, but here is a hilarious review of the phantom menace. The tugger connection? In the first video, he discusses how no one said "no" to george lucas. If someone had stood up and said "this is shit", the end result for both would have been better.

流出 said...

流出サイトでは、有名人から素人までの他では見れない秘蔵の動画を入手しています。何より素人が相手の場合に限り、アポを採る事も可能です。動画でお手軽に抜いて、抜き足らない場合は、女の子にハメて来て下さい

Anonymous said...

I wonder what tucky is getting for xmas this year ? How do you wrap up fail ? At least Nilsy get can fast food coupons. He has a waist line to maintain !

グリー said...

日本最大級、だれもが知っている出会い系スタービーチがついに復活、グリーより面白い新生スタビをやってみませんか?趣味の合う理想のパートナー探し、合コンパーティーに興味がある方はぜひ無料登録してみてください。楽しかった頃のスタビで遊んでみよう

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高級チェリー said...

高級チェリーの冬は童貞卒業のシーズンです。童貞を食べたい女性達もウズウズしながら貴方との出会いを待っています。そんな女性達に童貞を捧げ、貴方もハッピーライフを送ってみませんか

友達募集中 said...

初書き込みで申し訳ないんですが、都合のいい男性探しています。不況の中でも会社が高成長してて、忙しい毎日です。お陰でプライベートが充実していなくって、溜まる一方です。財産的にも多少余裕が今のところあるのでお礼もできます。何より、この書き込みが読まれているのかちょっと怪しいですけど…。アドレス置いとくので、消されないうちにメールくれたら嬉しいです。inspiration.you@docomo.ne.jp

Anonymous said...

http://twitter.com/tuckermax

Does anyone think that Greg Doyel actually gives a shit about what Tucker has to say?

出張ホスト said...

結婚してから女としての喜びを失った玉の輿女性達、エリート旦那のそつのない動きには満足できるはずもなく、時間を持て余すお昼時に旦那のお金を使い、出張ホストサービスを楽しむそうでございます。今回も10万円での愛を承っております。癒しの一時をご一緒して謝礼を貰ってくださいませ

gree said...

だれもが知っている日本で一番有名な出会い系スタービーチがついに復活、greeより面白い新生スタビをやってみませんか?理想のパートナー探し、合コンパーティーに興味がある方はぜひ無料登録してみてください

Anonymous said...

Greg Doyel does give a shit what Tucker has to say. Problem is, it's the same shit he gives to every anonymous jerk who tweets him, but Tucker thinks they're equally famous because they're chatting.

Also, Nils is fat.

Anonymous said...

In Assholes Finish First, Greg Doyel is his newest BFF that Tucker doesn't care about, but indulges him because Doyel's promised him a CBS show. Hilarity will ensue when Tucker and Doyel have a foursome with two other girls on Twitter. He will claim that CBS wants to pay him $200k for this story.

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