Saturday, September 11, 2010

Assholes Finish First... finished?

Assholes Finish First will be released on 28th September 2010. [Amazon]

"Tucker told people to start pre-ordering it on the 16th November of 2006, slating it for release in fall 2007. Then that got pushed back from fall 2007 to fall 2008. Well look, here we are in fall 2008 and there's no sign of the book."

Anyways, here it is 3 years late. Hooray!

I'll post a .pdf of it here once it's out.


Anonymous said...

I'm so excited about this book. Tucker is one of THE great writers of the 21st century. His book is already firmly entrenched in the American canon. Nils is really fit, too.

Mike said...

I wrote this article about Tucker Max. Maybe with this new book there will be more to write about soon.

Anonymous said...

Uggh Mike....I just read your shit on It was pretty horrible. I mean, I've read Tucker Max and this was worse than his worst story. I particularly hated you and your blog more when I read the end that said you hadnt even seen the movie or read the book and blindly wasted the readers time with 3 paragraphs about nothing. I mean....why would you even post here saying "maybe there will be more to write about soon"? You didnt even need the content before to write about the other things so why wait? Just write your dumb blog about the new book now so we don't have to anticipate the next chapter of stupid. At least you didnt come here just to spam the place with your link.....

Anonymous said...

where's the pdf?

Anonymous said...

yeah, where's the pdf?

Anonymous said...

It's already been out a day and you lying sacks of shit haven't posted a pdf of it. Fucking liars. I'm starting up a new blog- 'Fuck Fuck Tucker Max'

Anonymous said...

Here are a couple of neat-o quotes from that one Tucker Max guy:

"...I can tell you what I think about the movie:...the lighting and cinematography is beautiful..."

- December 2008 (originally posted on his now-defunct movie blog, but preserved here: ; scroll down about 3/4 of the page)

"I think the movie is lit really poorly. I think it looks like—you know, I mean, we spent $7 million on the movie, which is not a small amount—it’s not a huge amount for a movie by any stretch, but definitely more than enough to make a movie look professional, you know? And that version looked very indie and very gritty, and I just thought it looked like sh*t. Like, it didn’t look good. And that’s the director’s fault…he fuc*ed up; he lit it incorrectly."

- September 2010 (found in an interview here: ;scroll down to about the midway point)

That Tucker... he sure likes talking out of both sides of his mouth.

Anonymous said...

^^^ hahaha. hilarious. what a weenie.

Fuck Fuck Tucker Max said...

Where's the pdf, you lying assholes! Don't be like Tucker and lie to everyone! Post the pdf or stop lying to everyone!

Light said...

sucked in. buy it, fags.

Fuck Fuck Tucker Max said...

Light, you fucking liar. Post the pdf! Don't be a douchebag like Tucker and treat everyone like shit. Hypocrites.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha I think its hilarious that people are here looking and begging for the PDF because they want to read the book about the guy they claim to hate.

I bought the book, I've read this blog. I dont hate Tucker Max. I just thought the articles here were funny so I put this place in my RSS feed.

Its seriously pathetic though that people are here talking shit about Tucker and asking for the PDF of the book....ridiculous. Why would you want to read the book? I mean, I get the people that hated Howard Stern and would still listen. All they had to do was turn on a radio station but you have to actually put the effort in to READ a book when you don't like a guy. That is retarded. Do something else with your time, you're clearly better than reading the book so why bother?

Anonymous said...

i have a pdf!

The Deconstruction Guy said...

Got the book as a gag gift. Here's my review.

Been there, done that, and have seen it done much better. Two funny stories, both of them come from before lHTSBlH was released. NONE of the new stories that he wrote after he became "famous" are remotely interesting or even funny. Whatever self depricating humor that came from the first book is now completely abscent, which means we're tuned into watching Tucker "the famous person" being a complete douchebag telling uninteresting stories about how cool they are now that they're famous.

ln conclusion: Tucker Max is a douchebag, now and forever memorialized in hardcover.

The Deconstruction Guy said...

"Hahaha I think its hilarious that people are here looking and begging for the PDF because they want to read the book about the guy they claim to hate."

You know what's even more hilarious? A fan of a failed author who trolls "haterz" boards because no more "fan" boards exist.

"I bought the book,"


"I've read this blog."

Yeah, l'll be more impressed when you read the entire comments section from the last board. The same section that got closed down due to awesomeness.

"I dont hate Tucker Max."

Me neither, but l dig mocking him nonetheless.

"I just thought the articles here were funny so I put this place in my RSS feed."

Really? That exist for this place?

"Its seriously pathetic though"

Make up your mind dude, is it "hilarious" or "pathetic"?

"that people are here talking shit about Tucker and asking for the PDF of the book"

Why pay for such art?


sigh.... MAKE UP YOUR FUCKlNG MlND!!!!!

"Why would you want to read the book?"

Because when asked, l can give an honest opinion of his 'art".

"I mean, I get the people that hated Howard Stern and would still listen. All they had to do was turn on a radio station but you have to actually put the effort in to READ a book when you don't like a guy."

Unlike Stern fans, we're actually a smarter and more hardworking bunch. We put in the effort so we can go toe to toe with his douchebag fans when they say things like "how can you hate his book when you haven't even read it?" l can then clearly say that l HAVE read the book and he CLEARLY lS A DOUCHEBAG.

"That is retarded."

Dude, you're like somebody with an abusive split personality. One second l'm "hilarious" the next "pathetic" MAKE UP YOUR MlND!!!

'Do something else with your time, you're clearly better than reading the book so why bother?"

Why? Subversively stealing from Tucker's coffer by offering a FREE BOOK is the tits. Didn't Tucker say that we should freely download his shitty movie in order to see it? Why should that sage advice stay with only his movie?

Put that shit up Dude!!!


quotabletuckermax said...

Fuck Fuck Tucker Max said...

hahaha Thanks for posting it. Now I know it's worth it and am going to buy a copy.

Anonymous said...

TDG, does he ever even acknowledge the irony of the book's title, given that his movie was an unequivocal commercial and critical failure?

Anonymous said...

Ha! Look at the comment about the lighting above, then read the latest on

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you still doing fine work TDG.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, I've got to meet you TDG... I think you're hilarious and obviously more clever than Tucker. You could probably write a book on the Tucker lies alone and get more sold copies and attention than he gets now. The only thing that would really blow anything out of the water is if you turned out to be Tucker. That would be the true nail in the coffin to prove the lengths he will go to in order to stay alive.

Anonymous said...

Can we get a new link for the PDF ? The other is down.

Anonymous said...

easy fix, if you dont like reading tucker max's books and stories, go pick up a martha stewart book.Those stories are funny, although i wouldn't handle myself in anyway like he does, you gotta respect the guy. he sticks to his guns and does what he wants. i know you tucker max hating blog writing sob's will probably come up with some witty response to my post that will make you feel in some way bigger or better then me. but hey ill never be back on this sad sack of a website again. long live tucker max

Anonymous said...

>>long live tucker max

He might live a long time, but his career is dead as a brick.

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh, such a dead career, but his new book is flying off of the shelves? Also, all of you whining brats were begging for a pdf copy to be able to "judge" it on your own? Give me a break. I hate Miley Cyrus. Does that mean I'm going to go out and get her album just so I can tell everyone how much I hate it? Nope. You all need lives.

Anonymous said...

yeah how about you go suck some donkey cock because tucker max is the shit and cant wait till his next book. so get off my dick because its to bouncy for you, because this ride is too much u have to be this tall to ride.its like a fun house. tucker max for the win suck it bitches.

Anonymous said...

to the anonymous person who talked about milee just as much as no life cyrus, u have just as much as no life because your reading and posting on this blog as well dumbass. get some pussy get a life, miley cyrus does not want on ur chapstick dick, go to asia where u will fit in with all the other chapstick gooks you puss. tucker max for the win suck it bitches

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