Friday, June 12, 2009

Douchestribution!

http://www.freestylereleasing.com/library.htm#i

Ok, so all of us that yelled "straight to DVD" were wrong, and everyone in the Tucker camp that yelled "2000 screens opening weekend No. 1 in the Box Office" is gona be wrong.

Freestyle Releasing are a small-ish distribution company and Tucker's movie is going to be opening on less that 400 screens its opening weekend. They have no money for promotion, and nobody cares.

It's sad that we have to wait until September 25th to see how badly this fails. I keep losing interest in the Tucker Max saga, because if you're like me you've come to realise that everything that gets written on Rudius and his site is an outright absolute lie. So you have a constant cavalcade of lies that eventually get proven to be what they are, and meanwhile people on the RMMB continue to act like blind sycophants gobbling it up.

Tucker said he would be getting distribution from Fox. He didn't.

Tucker said he would have a $25+ million opening weekend. Look at Freestyle's other movies, can you guess how many of them had that big an opening weekend?

An American Haunting - 5.7 million
The Haunting of Molly Hartley - 5.4 million
The Illusionist - 6.1 million

I didn't go through all of them, those were the only ones I recognised. And according to here there biggest opening weekend is $6 million-ish.

Tucker promises a 35day cross country IHTSBIH movie-premiere-schwag-athon. I think we know anything that requires this level of organisation from Tucker is already, at this early stage, completely fucked.

Tucker said he was offered 8 figures for distribution. He didn't. Nope. Non. No wai. Never happened.


So what else is new in Tucker land?

  • Bunny is in rehab. I'd like to think we played a small part in that with our online vitriol. Punch and pie for all.

  • Very stupid people are protesting Tucker Max when he goes to colleges. This will just stir up controversy and interest in the movie. The best thing to do is ignore it, or make hater posts on the internet. Rawr.

  • Assholes Finish First was released to international literary acclaim. Oh wait.. what? No it wasn't?
  • Who could have predicted that? :D

  • My video of IHTSBIH being burnt to a delicious cinder crisp? 11,500 views. Trolling Tucker fans has never been so much fun. I can't believe this video has more views than the one of me dressed up like Diana Ross. SO much work went into that costume..

  • Some new Tucker hate sites have popped up. Add them to your favourites!
  • http://www.fuckermax.blogspot.com/
  • http://tuckermaxisadouche.blogspot.com/
  • Cockly McBeefwell is back! OR something! Either way, tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com is no longer on the internets and all the stuff was transferred over to this new place. The dream never dies! You can still view all 6000+ comments over here but it seems new comments should be for the new site, lest we split the Tucker haters. Divided we are weak, but united - we are not as weak. Sorta.
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FINALLY, here's a quick guid on how to discredit Tucker should he ever come up in a social situation. If you're like me, you probably want to keep the fact that you run/participate in an anti-Tucker website quiet when doing so. But how to do it without giving away that you know way too much about Tucker?

Step 1: Take a lofty approach over the person who enthusiastically brought up Tucker. "Yeah, his stories are alright - but they're massively embellished. You'd be foolish to believe everything he writes."

Step 2: Use facts and lies to help you. "Isn't Tucker Max like, about 40 years old? And he just goes around to colleges talking about when he used to be in college? Isn't that kind of sad?"

Step 3: Condition people to dislike his movie even before it comes out. "Yeah a movie based on his book or something? I read on IMDB that no-one even wants to distribute it for him - apparently he really is an asshole in real life, the movie is supposed to suck the big one"

Step 4: The outright character destroying lie: "Oh yeah I was at a Borders one time when he was doing a book signing. There was nobody there. I went over to say hi and he told me to fuck off. He has really small hands as well. Nobody likes him. If you like him you're probably a loser."

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3 WEEKS TIL THE FIRST IHTSBIH TRAILER!!
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That's all for now. Until next time, I encourage you all to keep thinking about Tucker. Especially you TATguy!

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think it would be awesome to ride on that bus city to city. Douchebag or not, he somehow figured out how to have fun with this one. Of course he'll probably over analyze and screw it up.

Anonymous said...

by pmcdonnell-4 1 day ago (Fri Jun 12 2009 10:52:23)
Ignore this User | Report Abuse
punkinbeer,

"I couldn't imagine a better release date really. School will be in session for practically 100% of all colleges and I can't think of something more appealing to a college student than to go see a movie about drinking and screwing with his/her friends."

You would think. . . . Not. Look at Box Office Mojo for the top college movies. You will see that only two were released anywhere near 9/25. The best ever September release college film was Sydney White, a Universal film distributed on 2100 screens, a wide release, that opened at 5.1 Million and grossed at 12million. The second best college release near that date was "Kicking and Screaming" a Trimline release that opened at $19,000 and grossed $718,000. The rest of the big college movies have been released when all big releases happen, either the summer, or Christmas.

Fortunately, given that your parents have paid more than 30k in most cases for you and your buddies to have fun at that 4 year summer camp we currently call college, you and your cool bros have more fun things to do, than watch a movie about "drinking and screwing." Two of those things might be actually drinking and screwing, which is what all the cool kids will be doing that weekend, rather than watching a movie about fictional characters, drinking and screwing. The other option is to attend one of the many parties that are happening on campus, where there is a possibility of "drinking or screwing."

If college is now a place where kids go to watch movies about college aged kids drinking and screwing, then things have changed since I was there. If I saw 2 movies in a theater while school was in session over 4 years, they were on very slow nights when absolutely nothing else was going on. The only one I actually remember seeing was "Nightmare on Elm Street," which I saw with a girl and a few other couples on a friday night and we were waiting for her parents to leave for a weekend trip and needed to kill time. Although I did not drink that night because it was a long drive, I did "screw." Surprisingly, it did not involve humiliation for either of us, no coercion, and it seemed like both parties had a good time. Further, because I enjoyed it so much and actually liked this girl and enjoyed her company, rather than go back to my dorm and brag, and tell everyone what a slut she was, I kept quiet about it, and went back for more and more. In fact, we were pretty sober every time we "screwed" because it seemed better that way, and she was comfortable enough with herself and with me, that she didn't need to be drunk. It didn't work out and we both moved on, but I remember her a lot more than I remember the plot for the movie, have seen her at some class reunions since then, and will always think of her fondly and be glad that we shared that together. I must confess that other times with other girls, I was a d***, and I don't have those same fond memories-- just the shame and regret I talked about in another post.

Anonymous said...

Since his original announcement, he dropped 30% of his original tour (50 to 35 cities). As we approach opening weekend I predict he'll cut at least another third and leave it around 23 places he actually hits.

Nicey said...

Might as well be straight to DVD...

Let's see..."The Illusionist" which is well written, acted by two Oscar nominated actors, recieved 3 stars (out of 4 perfect), etc

Opened 6 million...lets predict Tuckers opening...

A lot of movies on 400-500 screens gross around 1-2k per theater...so 1 million maybe...and then off you go to be forever gotten.

Anonymous said...

I think it would be awesome to ride on that bus city to city. Douchebag or not, he somehow figured out how to have fun with this one. Of course he'll probably over analyze and screw it up.


How old are you?

Anonymous said...

"I think it would be awesome to ride on that bus city to city. Douchebag or not, he somehow figured out how to have fun with this one."

Sure. It sounds like loads of fun. If I was a 34 year old guy with a law degree, what could be more fun than driving around in a bus to different colleges to show a movie that couldn't get real distribution? Most 34 year old lawyers I know always travel by bus.

Ok there are two kinds of people whose idea of vacation involves spending lots of time on a bus. The first are High School kids on the way to some school trip. "Hey, you won the regional badn championship so you get a trip to Disney World. The second are very old folks who ride buses to places like Branson, Mo. or Indian casinos.

Go on any mainstream web site offering vacation travel for lawyers. Most of them involve seminars at places like the Four Seasons, Ritz Carlton, or other 5 star resorts. None of them involve bus travel.

Anonymous said...

"I think it would be awesome to ride on that bus city to city. Douchebag or not, he somehow figured out how to have fun with this one."

Yeah dude, that sounds excellent. My guess is that you would be the guy in the choke hold on the video he makes for the "Very Special Edition" Blu-Ray disc.

Anonymous said...

Rumor has it that Kung Fu Mike is coming out of retirement to learn to drive a bus and promote his new book.

Anonymous said...

Where is Cloud Starchaser when you need him?

Anonymous said...

Cloud Starchaser was awesome.

It was him and his video of his "fight" that really brought home to me for the first time what a monumental liar Tucker is and what huge suckups he is surrounded with.

For that alone, Cloud - paid girlfriends and all - will always be my hero.

Anonymous said...

Don't insult Cloud Starchaser by comparing him to the level of Tucker Max or his faggotry. No one cares about this childish bullshit.

TuckerMaxIsGod said...

while tucker is out on a bus...which maybe lawyers dont take but every rockstar does...you faggots will be jerking it to anime porn and prolly gay anime porn to boot, and he's not a lawyer, hes a writer who also has a law degree. what degree do you have...do you have one and if you do why are you wasting your life making these stupid fucking clown shoe blogs

Anonymous said...

Don't mind 'tuggermaxisgod' he's just an 18yr old virgin with identity issues; i'm sure he'll grow out of them eventually. Maybe.

Anonymous said...

im sure he'd rather be that than a 40 year old douchebag jealous of a succesful man

Anonymous said...

I would just like to say WHO GIVES A FUCK if the stories are real or not, it's good writing. Tucker Max may be lying when he says they are all true but the stories are all fucking funny. Just the fact that someone would write that is awesome. The movie might suck, but Tucker Max has made a fuckload from writing a book that has hilarious stories plan and simple. Fuck all of you who can't write as good as he can and fuck all of you for being little bitches and making stupid fucking blogs about someone who could give a shit about it. You're all fucking retarded.

Anonymous said...

^^^ If you think BIH is good writing, you've not been exposed to good writing. If you think he's made a boatload from that book, you're just an idiot.

Anonymous said...

You're actually giving "tips" on how to get people to not watch the movie? and you're so angry at all of tucker's "lies" and in this blog you yourself advise people to do the same?

I don't know how smart you are, apparently not very, but telling your "fans" to make up stories about seeing, talking to, and being treated unkindly by tucker max... every heard of slander? character defamation?

Jesus even if he DID make up all those stories... don't you think he would have been fucking sued by now?? And when Miss Montana or whatever TRIED, she just got her ass kicked out of court.

Fuck are you just really fat and lonely or something? what is wrong with you? Why don't you think clear, concise, complete thoughts?

I don't understand.

Anonymous said...

^^^^i completely agree i think they get pored downloading porn and beating off all day so this is how they found a way to entertain themselves they are jealous of successful people...its kinda sad really

Anonymous said...

who cares if he is a douche or if the stories are made up, its entertaining....

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