Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Great quotes of our time

"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009

The Hangover is officially the biggest grossing R-rated comedy of all time.

It was pretty clear even before it hit theatres that The Hangover was going to do well, but I don't think anyone expected it to make quite this much money without any major stars in it.


So I guess Tucker's movie is going to make like twice as much?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Art of Deconstruction

There's kind of a lot to talk about in Tuckerland these days- and as usual for all things Tucker, most of it concerns the deafening silence surrounding Tucker's TEICM (Totally Epic, Industry-Changing Movie. Obviously.).

I was originally going to write something about the recently-posted email exchanges between Tucker and Mr.X- http://tinyurl.com/lk56aw, scroll down to 6/17/2009, 9:42, AM to see the exchanges- but that matter is rather self-explanatory, and of course we'll have to wait until Tucker's highly artistic, beautiful, moving film releases to see how that bears out.

Instead, I'd just like to briefly draw attention to something I like to call the art of deconstruction. If you're reading this, you're likely already aware of the bright new star in the 'Tucker Hater' pantheon, Deconstruction Guy, or as I think we should all refer to him going forward, 'The Deconstructor' (come on, try telling me that's not a cool nickname). Basically, this guy began by breaking down some of Tucker's movie-blog posts with biting, compelling commentary, but now he's moved on to deconstruct Tucker's really awesome and hilarious artistic stories in the same manner. I'll not repost the stories here, since most of this blog's readers are already aware of them, but if you haven't read The Deconstructor's work yet, please do yourself a favor- go here: http://tinyurl.com/lg92mo, scroll to the entry at 6/29/2009, 2:08 PM, and enjoy yourself. Keep reading the subsequent entries, as there are quite a few entries from The Deconstructor. It's truly one of the most focused and lucid analyses of the Max mythos you'll find anywhere, and it draws attention to many of the issues in Tucker's alleged 'writing' that betray his foolishness. Especially illuminating is The Deconstructor's treatment of Tucker's hockey-game story.

In all candor, I'm surprised that Tuck hasn't found some way to indirectly respond, as The Deconstructor has completely pieced him at every turn. Light, I think you should think about offering a writing spot to The Deconstructor on this blog; it would be like trading for Kevin Garnett- we'd be the Big Three of the Tucker-hater movement.

The art of deconstruction is the art of looking past Tucker's bravado, his 'smarter-than-you' attitude, and his 'I've already proven myself; what, didn't you know?' disposition to actually think rationally about what he says and what he does. The Deconstructor's work is an excellent example of this. Another is what I alluded to in my last post, 'A Check Your Ass Can't Cash', in which I considered the disparity between what Tucker says/promises/alludes to, and what actually comes to pass. He has a miserable track record (remember when he said he was going to do a big breakdown of the storyboard, with Frame Forge, etc.? Remember the 'tons of new video, pictures, and interviews' he promised? And he STILL hasn't given the world its promised distribution deal breakdown- what a joke, considering everyone interested sort of knows it anyhow, thanks to this blog and the doucebag-blog), and there seems to be a strange parallel between what Tucker thinks and wants others to think (amazingly revolutionary, everything just keeps on getting better and better) and what actually appears to be transpiring (a pretty standard playout for a low-budget movie with marginal talent, based on a niche property).

The point is that the more one follows this guy, the more one begins to recognize not only the need to look past his smoke-and-mirrors approach to public discourse (a necessary one, given his record of performance), but the ease with which it can be done. That's the art of deconstruction, and Tuckster's like a clean palette for it.

The Deconstructor is the bright new star in the Tucker-Hater universe. Let's raise our glasses to him and hope that he continues to work his magic in our midst, as Tucker's incredibly provocative, heartfelt and meaningful epic art film moves closer to its release.

Vive le doucebag blog! Vive le Fuck Tucker Max blog! Vive Le Deconstructor!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Douchestribution!

http://www.freestylereleasing.com/library.htm#i

Ok, so all of us that yelled "straight to DVD" were wrong, and everyone in the Tucker camp that yelled "2000 screens opening weekend No. 1 in the Box Office" is gona be wrong.

Freestyle Releasing are a small-ish distribution company and Tucker's movie is going to be opening on less that 400 screens its opening weekend. They have no money for promotion, and nobody cares.

It's sad that we have to wait until September 25th to see how badly this fails. I keep losing interest in the Tucker Max saga, because if you're like me you've come to realise that everything that gets written on Rudius and his site is an outright absolute lie. So you have a constant cavalcade of lies that eventually get proven to be what they are, and meanwhile people on the RMMB continue to act like blind sycophants gobbling it up.

Tucker said he would be getting distribution from Fox. He didn't.

Tucker said he would have a $25+ million opening weekend. Look at Freestyle's other movies, can you guess how many of them had that big an opening weekend?

An American Haunting - 5.7 million
The Haunting of Molly Hartley - 5.4 million
The Illusionist - 6.1 million

I didn't go through all of them, those were the only ones I recognised. And according to here there biggest opening weekend is $6 million-ish.

Tucker promises a 35day cross country IHTSBIH movie-premiere-schwag-athon. I think we know anything that requires this level of organisation from Tucker is already, at this early stage, completely fucked.

Tucker said he was offered 8 figures for distribution. He didn't. Nope. Non. No wai. Never happened.


So what else is new in Tucker land?

  • Bunny is in rehab. I'd like to think we played a small part in that with our online vitriol. Punch and pie for all.

  • Very stupid people are protesting Tucker Max when he goes to colleges. This will just stir up controversy and interest in the movie. The best thing to do is ignore it, or make hater posts on the internet. Rawr.

  • Assholes Finish First was released to international literary acclaim. Oh wait.. what? No it wasn't?
  • Who could have predicted that? :D

  • My video of IHTSBIH being burnt to a delicious cinder crisp? 11,500 views. Trolling Tucker fans has never been so much fun. I can't believe this video has more views than the one of me dressed up like Diana Ross. SO much work went into that costume..

  • Some new Tucker hate sites have popped up. Add them to your favourites!
  • http://www.fuckermax.blogspot.com/
  • http://tuckermaxisadouche.blogspot.com/
  • Cockly McBeefwell is back! OR something! Either way, tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com is no longer on the internets and all the stuff was transferred over to this new place. The dream never dies! You can still view all 6000+ comments over here but it seems new comments should be for the new site, lest we split the Tucker haters. Divided we are weak, but united - we are not as weak. Sorta.
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FINALLY, here's a quick guid on how to discredit Tucker should he ever come up in a social situation. If you're like me, you probably want to keep the fact that you run/participate in an anti-Tucker website quiet when doing so. But how to do it without giving away that you know way too much about Tucker?

Step 1: Take a lofty approach over the person who enthusiastically brought up Tucker. "Yeah, his stories are alright - but they're massively embellished. You'd be foolish to believe everything he writes."

Step 2: Use facts and lies to help you. "Isn't Tucker Max like, about 40 years old? And he just goes around to colleges talking about when he used to be in college? Isn't that kind of sad?"

Step 3: Condition people to dislike his movie even before it comes out. "Yeah a movie based on his book or something? I read on IMDB that no-one even wants to distribute it for him - apparently he really is an asshole in real life, the movie is supposed to suck the big one"

Step 4: The outright character destroying lie: "Oh yeah I was at a Borders one time when he was doing a book signing. There was nobody there. I went over to say hi and he told me to fuck off. He has really small hands as well. Nobody likes him. If you like him you're probably a loser."

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3 WEEKS TIL THE FIRST IHTSBIH TRAILER!!
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That's all for now. Until next time, I encourage you all to keep thinking about Tucker. Especially you TATguy!