Saturday, August 9, 2008

5 Reasons Why The IHTSBIH Script Sucks

1. No idea how to write a screenplay.

It's arguable over whether Tucker Max is a good writer or not, he is however successful - and for many people that alone is their measure of how good he is. Reading through the final script there is a strong sense that he, and Nils Parker, do not know how to write a screenplay. There are witty asides within the script that cannot be replicated on screen. For example

"The group laughs as we ANGLE on Jeff, 24, a thick-necked, ex-high school athlete that no one has ever accused of being a nerd"

That's just dumb.

On top of that, whilst it reads well - just like one of Tucker's stories, there are so many lines that can't be delivered because they could only be funny as they exist when written down. Tucker Max doesn't know how to write genuine dialogue because he's so used to writing it in a way so that a story will read well.

The dialogue between Tucker and his two friends clunks back and forth as though it was formulated by a 15 year old. Jeff refuses to go to the strip club because he has wedding arrangements that he must make, but after one sentence of "It'll be the greatest ever!!" from Tucker, he's suddenly convinced and just as motivated to go.

Many characters' dialogue doesn't match their motivations. It's disjointed as hell.


2. Too many clichéd/hypocritical moments

So many of the jokes are lame and cliched. There's the lowly janitor at the diarrhoea hotel who (according to the script) HAS to be a Mexican. There's the scene where Tucker makes fun of a fratty college guy in a bar and chides him by saying "I bet you even have one of those stupid frat rat names, like Chance or Reed."

Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? A guy called TUCKER is ragging on someone for having a stupid WASPy fratty name? Fuck outta here..

There's the scene where Tucker takes the mic at the wedding reception from a bumbling best man in order to deliver his redemption speech.

The scene where Aaron plays with the child of a stripper, and the child helps melt his hateful heart.

The bride-to-be's parents are staunch Baptists whilst their daughter is loose and carefree. She's totally cool with Jeff heading off to a strip club, she just wishes that she could come too - isn't that RAD?

Plus, there's the obligatory guest appearances of the fart joke, the shit joke, and of course a starring role for the big beefy friend that will beat up anyone that comes back at Tucker for being a dickhead.


3. Poor characterization

It seems like every character in the film exists purely to be a strawman for Tucker or Aaron to tear down verbally. A character enters scene, receives a verbal beatdown, and exits stage right without coming back. This stems purely from the poor screenplay writing I mentioned earlier but it hurts the quality of the script so badly.

In so many scenes, women exist only to receive a joke at their expense to which they either leave in disgust or stutter a poor rebuttal.

However, it is the main three characters who are the worst victims of the poor characterization. Having actually been Tucker for thirty-something odd years surely he would have able to write himself with more qualities than the singular overbearing, raging dickhead element.


4. Narcissism.

One of the most famous qualities that Tucker Max aspires to is out-and-out narcissism. In real-life, people like this are a fucking pain - but on film, it's captivating. Take, for example, the character of Captain Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. He's probably one of the most recognisable anti-hero figures in Hollywood history purely because he totally and utterly believes in his own hype. He glides through every scene on a wave of his own self-confidence. As a result, he drinks alot (which makes him even more confident), is a bit of a cad with the ladies and is incredibly witty. The Tucker Max character clearly aspires to his level of narcissism.

Unfortunately the script is written with this purely in mind, everything the Tucker character does must be as awesome as scientifically possible and as such each scene is written to force this point home. In PotC, Jack Sparrow actually seems to exist as he is, in the world, and his reactions to everything are the reactions of someone who is a narcissist. In IHTSBIH, the whole world seems to exist purely to revolve around Tucker, to set things up so he can knock them down, to prove that he is a narcissist.

You might disagree here, you might argue that Jack Sparrow was written the same way. But in PotC his character had redeeming features, he believed in his own self so much that he grew to become an attractive anti-hero - here, in Tucker Max, we have a character with no redeeming features at all who must have his own redemption tacked on at the end, almost as an after-thought. His character has no drive, no attraction, there's no reason his friends would want to be friends with him, there's no self-growth story arc, he finishes the movie the same way he started it - a dull two-dimensional character.


5. Painfully generic

It is really nothing that you haven't already seen before. You've seen this film done as Bachelor Party, Old School, American Pie (the ones that went straight to DVD that is) and Road Trip. The only difference is that it's not really that funny. It's a mish-mash of events that happened in the IHTSBIH book, stuff that happened after the book, and an entire scene based around a piece of prose that Slingblade/Aaron wrote about the McGriddle on the Tucker Max Message Boards. If you are a Tucker fan, you have heard EVERY single joke in this movie - it's clear that Tucker had a massive amount of writers block, probably the reason we've yet to see Assholes Finish First in stores.

Almost all of the few funny scenes are quotes that originated from the Slingblade character - i.e. stuff that Tucker didn't come up with. The McGriddle dialogue, one notable scene of snappy dialogue with the sassy stripper, one or two other lines scattered here and there.



This is a movie that all the fanboys think will "revolutionize the genre" - the cast and director are going to have to pull out a miracle to turn it around, as the script is so stale, the characters so bad, and the dialogue so fucking shit - that it will amaze me if it gets a theatrical release.

49 comments:

Anonymous said...

I recently saw the first 5 or 6 episodes of daid Duchovny's "Californication."

It is remarkable how similar the Hank Moody character is to Tucker Douche. And of course it has already been done. The difference is that "Californication" is targeted at and might actually entertain some adults.

IHTSBIH is definitely going to bomb.

-Slingblade

Anonymous said...

I don't know what you guys are talking about, this film is going to be fucking great. Tucker is a great writer and Bob Gosse will make this awesome.

Stop hating.

Light said...

That's funny, because Californication was slated by Tucker Max.. yet the plot of his movie feature several of the same elements as that show:

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?p=507822&postcount=6

Anonymous said...

i didn't mean to rag on the site yesterday...good to see somebody step up and spread the truth. keep updating!

Anonymous said...

consider...

Who the hell uses the phrase "butt sex"? I've never heard that phrase used in real life, and the only time I've seen it online is in an "ironic"/gay/campy fashion. Google shows 34.8 million results for "anal sex" and only 1.6 million for "butt sex", so I think we can agree that very few people who ride the hershey highway call it "butt sex"

Now watch the Tucker/Opie and Anthony clip. (Try not to focus on Tucker's lispy effeminate ways and spastic appearance.) Everytime he says "butt sex", he pauses briefly beforehand and stifles a giggle afterwards. Like he's in a sixth grade sex ed class.

One more note: here is another story about a guy who secretly had a friend videotape him as he busted nut in a girl. Hilarity ensued. And by hilarity I mean criminal charges and a civil lawsuit.

Your-A-Tool said...

Tucker Max had success off doing what he did. So obviously what he did worked. And if you took the time to actually do all this shit. Your either envious or have nothing better to do with your time. So get a life. and eat a dick. kthanksbye.

Wwtd said...

lol to "you-a-tool". Listen Tucker max is hilarious but the point of this article is to say that the movie is going to be bad. It always happens with book turned into movies.

Anonymous said...

When this movie does great, then what? Since you're stupid enough to start a shitty blog about hating Max, you'll also be too much of a pussy to admit you were wrong when people say the movie is awesome. I've seen it, I went to the Seattle Premier. I highly recommend it to my friends, because they're out living it up and enjoying their lives. They can relate.
You shouldn't bother. You wouldn't want to leave the safety of your mother's basement. The reason you are so against him in the first place is because your girl goes out and fucks men like him while you're playing WoW and jerking off to japanese tentacle porn. Fuck you.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't Tucker Max Internet-popular, like, five years ago? He should've struck while the iron was hot. No one gives a rat's ass about him now.
Plus, I saw the trailer and didn't even crack a smile once. It's been done before and done better many times.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about the quality of the movie, but I did watch the trailer.

At first the trailer had this line in it: "Fat girls don't deserve to live."

Then then next time I saw it it had been changed to "Fat girls aren't real people."

Don't these morons realize that there are millions of fat girls out there, lots of them have boyfriends, and that most of the time the girl picks the movie on date night?

Anonymous said...

Tucker is poison to the film industry...oh his meathead ebonics is so funny and witty...no, his banter is strictly teeth grinding embarrassment ... tucker's a hypocrite, rips on frat kids when he's leading the fucking pack (a fart joke here, a sex story there, sprinkle in some jokes about chicks and his dick- hysterical bro, yaaaaahhhh collegeeeeee!- get a clue u fucking tool) he's a hack...a great character description for Tucker would be...(30) overly confindent, self absorbed dipshit that hasn't come to the realization that he's neither funny nor liked... leave the comedy to writers who can actually write and tell a STORY with actual CHARACTERS. IHTSBIH actually came across my desk and I had the absolute pleasure in reading it...beyond glad the company I work for passed because I won't have to answer "yes", when people ask if we produced the fucking shitshow of a movie called "I Hope the Serve Beer In Hell"...

Pinger said...

Most of you are missing the point: the real reason IHTSBIN bombed is because Tucker Max is a giant worthless douchbag.

And nobody wants to plunk down $7.50 to see the self-serving story of a worthless douchebag.

I hope Tucker Max fals under a gas truck and tastes his own blood.

Anonymous said...

I bought the movie, because well, I loved the book and Tucker's Website. The movie was actually pretty solid. I didn't expect much, but considering it was more of a low budget film, it was actually pretty good. You're going to get these types of movies all the time anyway. There's some stale acting in some parts. Again though, the movie is good, and actually very funny.

Also, about your comment on the mexican maid. In the actual story, she WAS mexican. If you read the "Austin Road Trip" story, you would know this. It has nothing to do with playing a stereotype. Basically, in the end, I didn't expect anything wonderful, but good is what I got. I'm happy with the 15 dollars I spent at Wal-Mart to add to my movie collection.

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell does NOT disappoint (if you have a sense of humor).

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Anonymous said...

you guys are haters and wish you can be him. get a life. really, even if he's a douchebag...so what? they exist. move on with it, at least he can be a DB and make money off his shitty books and movie. I'd like to see YOU write a screen play. Instead of ranting about how sucky his movie is...do you realize that you just wrote a full page article to bash on someone you don't like. you're taking the time out of your precious day to write THAT. Apparently, he is awesome enough to be hated by so many people. I'd rather be him than any of you haters...Like, I'd rather be Hitler than some unknown douche bag like you.

Anonymous said...

This is THE worst movie we ever saw and we wanted to contact Fucker Max via Facebook. But we had to like him before we could leave a message... This Fag thinks that he can compete with epic figures like Van Wilder and stifler..NOT. Go to hell without beer and stop poluting the world with liquid crap that runs out of your mouth while you try to speak. Fuck you tucker max, bob grosse and the cast. Period.

The Dutch guys

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

Anonymous said...

The Tucker Max movie bombed. Oh well. This is what happens when you have no talent.

Frat boys. LOL.

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