Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The A-Z of Rudius, part 2

You can find the first part here, it covers A-G

H is for HotWheelz

Do you ever see those videos of politicians kissing babies and hugging old women in the street during the run-up to an election? That’s what I think of everytime I see Tucker talk about HotWheelz. Let me jump back to the start.

HotWheelz is a cripple, he suffers from muscular dystrophy and has been confined to a wheelchair most of his life. He created a memorable thread called “Ask A Cripple” where posters were invited to ask him anything. His upbeat attitude and witty responses elicited a positive response, and eventually the fact that he’s a virgin was spun into another Rudius website.

It’s the 15th most “popular” Rudius site, although it isn’t listed on the Rudius Media page which I guess means that the only difference between HotWheelz and other Rudius writers is that he doesn’t get paid. Rudius writers get paid... don’t they?

I’m getting sidetracked, on with the post:

Hotwheelz is a tool.

Not in the sense that he’s an idiot, he actually seems quite pleasant for someone who has a tube in their neck. But he’s a tool in that he is used as one by Tucker to counter-balance the “asshole” image. The “asshole” image must stand carefully between the full-blown faggoty-ass “I’m not paying you. And you’re fired.” asshole (which is what Tucker is) and the “Oh my Gawd, I can’t believe you said that to my friend! You are *such* an asshole – can I have your number?” cool guy asshole.

Giving HotWheelz his own site, and a small cameo in the movie is Tucker doing his own PR. “Hey guys! Don’t rag on him, he may be a cripple… but he’s cool with me.” How could Tucker possibly be a raging douchebag if he’s friends with a cripple? He’s clearly not an asshole at all, and inside there is a tender heart of goodness.

I is for Idiot Board

The Idiot Board may be the only message board on the entire web that requires you to make an “audition” topic, which may or may not get moved to the board where retards can actually start posting on it.

Let me just clarify this, your topic must compete in a mini American Idol competition before it can become an actual topic.

A glance at the first page shows topics where the last post is 5 days old. Week old topics remain on the front page of the message boards – whilst others never get to see the light of day. Far be it from me to suggest an improvement to the message boards, but really? This is your preferred way of running the main board?

Right now I can see that there are 300 people viewing the Board, yet only 9 topics there have had new messages posted in them today? What does this tell us? That most people would rather not post, than put up with shitty Nazi posting rules.

J is for Jarhead

If you were to choose one group of people to pander to, to have your back, to use as defense whenever you need one the military would be it.

I could sit here and type about how joining the military is dumb. About how dying for rich white men in suits in a foreign desert is dumb. About how naivety and a misplaced notion of patriotism will get you into a war you didn’t have to fight. That dying for your country in this day and age is fucking stupid.

Horrible isn’t it? To attack people who are putting their life on the line for you and your country.

Now if I were a best-selling author. I’d probably try and ally myself with this group, a little bullshit charity here, a phony diary by a made-up soldier here (torn apart by actual real-life soldiers here), post stories about how they like to read my book in their base camps and fanatically idolize them on my message boards.

Get a few on the boards and give them their own private board to discuss military matters. Pretty soon you’ll have a whole jingo-ish message board army at your disposal. If you’re not with us, you’re against us.

And from there? Just look at it like this: there’s a LOT of soldiers, and there’s nothing soldiers love more than to drink, fuck and tell stories – that means a lot of books to sell. Soldiers aren’t going to question the stories, they don’t get paid for their investigative minds. Why not manipulate them for your own image? Halliburton shouldn't be the only one profiting from the Iraq War.

K is for Knowledge

Knowledge, and its control, are the lifeblood of Tucker Max. Any dissent on the message boards is immediately stamped out, no matter how prevalent the point. If, like me, you’ve ever posted anything negative you’ll be familiar with these stages:
  1. Postive rep “I’m glad someone had the balls to say it”
  2. Selective quoting by a sycophantic moderator. They’ll build up an argument that you didn’t even mention and then tear it down, thus proving you wrong.
  3. Your post is deleted. Maybe it leaves a “This post was deleted” space, but it’s usually less suspicious to just make the post disappear entirely.
  4. And then maybe you get a suspension too.
By controlling information on the message board it becomes increasingly easy to shape your image, and by “punishing” anyone who isn’t towing the party line you can stifle out the truth.

L is for Lies

Would you believe I spent like 5 minutes trying to think of an “L” before I thought of “lies”? I am dumb.

I could go on about Tucker’s lies until the Internet becomes obsolete, but let’s just look at one for now. The fake Amazon reviews.

It is so easy to fake an Amazon review. Look back at the “Tucker Max charity auction debacle” where he talks about making multiple accounts on “Infirmation.com” to create the false idea that certain companies were paying summer associates more than the average, thus heightening the average.

Is Tucker above writing fake Amazon reviews of his own book? If you’re answering “Yes” to that question then please unplug your computer and stick a fork in the socket.
If you're not going to believe it from me, then take it from one of the board's own mods, speaking anonymously:

Those rumors about Tucker having his mods (and selected others) go to Amazon.com to give fake reviews of his book in an effort to drive up sales, IT'S FUCKING TRUE. I saw it firsthand, I wrote two of those fucking reviews on TUCKER'S REQUEST. It's fucking true, and I wish I kept the PM he sent me to let me know he not only liked the review, but wanted me to go back for seconds.

And he’s willing to lie to sell a copy of his book, then surely he’s willing to lie in the book, to your face, on his message board and to his employees.

M is for Macho-Centric

When you go into work tomorrow I’d like you to sneak up behind a co-worker you don’t like that much, and choke them until they lose consciousness.

When you’re being escorted out of the building by police, take a second to wonder why doing this in the real world was wrong, yet doing this on the set of a multi-million dollar movie, whilst a producer films you doing it, is FUCKING AWESOME.

I’ll never understand why causing physical harm to another person is considered manly, but making a stand by quitting a film due to bullying is considered shameful, cowardly and indicative of a lack of character.

For idiots on the RMMB, the choke-video was considered both hilarious and life-affirming. I find it a bit disturbing that someone could do that over words said on a message board, and come out looking like a hero.

I guess there must be something wrong with me.


Light said...

I've changed the layout of the blog so that it only shows the 3 most recent posts. It should make it a bit easier to navigate and a bit tidier.

This takes us halfway through the alphabet, and boy-oh-boy am I looking forward to the letter "S". If you have a story or gripe about Sillylittlefreak then please email me at:

Anonymous said...

Love your writing. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

another reason Tucker likes soldiers: while they're away, he can bareback their wives and girlfriends.

Anonymous said...

I would prefer that Hot Wheelz be referred to as a prop, personally. It better describes him.

Anonymous said...

I've always wondered about SLF. He seems intelligent yet he's still at the RMMB pretty consistently. Why?

Anonymous said...

Very well put, but what on earth are you going to use for 'X' or 'Z'?

I don't think Tucker plays the xylophone or owns a zebra.

Anonymous said...

Very well put, but what on earth are you going to use for 'X' or 'Z'?

I don't think Tucker plays the xylophone or owns a zebra.

Xenophobic, Zero?

Anonymous said...

"I've always wondered about SLF. He seems intelligent yet he's still at the RMMB pretty consistently. Why?"

The loser doesn't have a job. He sells gay "banned" t-shirts and lives off his girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

^^Wow. I had no idea.

I think I'll just never understand why all the mods (who seem intelligent) buy into Tucker's bullshit. Not only that, they help to propagate his image. I don't understand what's in it for them.

Anonymous said...

I met SLF at an art gallery a couple weeks ago and he was very nice. He was there with his co-workers from a video game company. So whoever wrote the above is a lying dick.

Anonymous said...

Fuck SLF. He is a piece of shit. He should stop rim jobbing Tucker and grow the fuck up.

Anonymous said...

what about Geigs, Kungfu mike, and drunkasaurus rex? Geigs and Kungfu mike talked mad shit to me once, i challenged both of them to a fight, just name and the place and time. Of course they postured to be tough guys, saying they'd kick the shit out of me. I said fine, stop talking, let's do it. And of course, it just resulted in me getting banned.

Anonymous said...

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Volo said...

There's something I admire about a man who can talk shit about Hotwheelz. I mean, it takes balls of solid rock to call him a tool just because his blog got a start on Rudius Media, despite your own glaring hypocrisy. I mean, didn't your blog, right here, get a start there too? It's a bit of a stretch, yes, but not entirely unreasonable. If it weren't for RMMB you wouldn't have a reason, nor an audience, for...whatever the fuck it is you do here.

Talk shit about Tucker all you like, but don't drag Hotwheelz through the mud. He's a stand up fellow with an interesting outlook on life, and a wealth of knowledge and humor to boot.

Take a page from his book, and realize your petty problems with Tucker Max really hold no meaningful weight when compared to the real challenges to be faced all around you.

Or don't. Your call.

Crown said...

I'm sorry, I have never seen this blog before until now because like most people I know we have better things to do than read sites dedicated to vile, jealous hatred. I could give a shit if you attack Tucker Max, plenty of people all ready do the same tired shit you're still doing. But leave HotWheelz out of your shitty rants. I already know he's twice the person you are, and I've never even met the guy. He's happy, funny, and even with the crappy cards he's been dealt in life he comes off as a better person than YOUR whiney bitch ass. You are not funny. You are not talented. The only comliments you get on here are from banned RMMB members that still have an e-axe to grind years later. Keep your fucking day job if you have one. TiB owns you.